When the Snow Falls
by wanderlust-nation
Summary: UNFINISHED A story of Matthew Williams, Ivan Braginsky, and a chain of events including a tragedy of Ivan's past, recovery, relapses, love and happy endings. In the same au as Sweet, Sweet Feliciano. RusCan, platonic Franada and FraRus, and a tiny bit of GerIta. Rated T for slight language and (past) abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! It's me again with a rather interesting new fic I've been dying to write for a while. This follows the same path as Sweet, Sweet Feliciano but I'm writing it to where you wouldn't need to read SSF to understand this.**

**This story is follows up Matthew and Ivan's story. This shows a lot of Ivan's past, his experience with his very, very toxic friendship with a boy named Maksimillian Orell (if you couldn't guess, he's General Winter)and a few rather tragic events that took place, causing him to struggle to live life normally.**

**Warnings include Cussing, animal abuse, mild violence and angst**

**I did a lot of research on Russia so I really hope I wrote him well enough. He's probably one of the most complex characters I've come across.**

**Enjoy**

**(PS, I had to edit Sweet, Sweet Feliciano a little, like Ivan is homeschooled instead of attending their school, stuff like that)**

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><p>❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅<p>

_"Stop being such a baby," Maksimillian said coldly towards Ivan, who sat across from him on the bed. Ivan nervously shifted around in place, trying not to look into the cold stare coming from Maks. "We're not going to get caught, now stop whining."_

_ "But that was Kat's necklace, I feel bad for taking it," Ivan muttered, his fear obvious. "She really likes it, too, we shouldn't have-" Maks extended his hand from his jacket pocket and slapped Ivan, just hard enough for the boy to fall over._

_ "… N-Nevermind." Ivan whispered, trying to hide the tears that streamed down his cheeks by wiping them away, hoping Maks wouldn't notice._

* * *

><p>"Hey, Matt, I uh, kinda want to give you a reminder." Francis didn't look away from the road when he spoke<em>. It's weird<em>, Matthew thought, _he could be laughing for minutes straight and suddenly get serious._

They were on their way to pick up Francis's friend, Ivan, who Matthew had yet to meet. Ivan was homeschooled, and he didn't socialize much. Francis attempted to get him out of the house before when he and Matthew were doing something, but always declined.

"Ivan's… Still recovering. It isn't that I think you'll upset him at all; I just want you to know he says and does things that are a little out there. He can be scary, and if you're too uncomfortable, it's okay to tell him that. He gets touchy but I think that's when he gets to know you. He's reserved around strangers, but he'll probably warm up to you quickly." Francis let out a laugh, though the way he tapped his fingers nervously on the steering wheel had anxiety written all over it.

_Was he that worried?_ Matthew knew Francis had become friends with him in a therapy group, and his situation was difficult, but Francis never told him what exactly happened to him. 'He'll have to tell you himself, when and if you meet him' is all he said after Matthew had asked.

"And like most people who have been through something, he has his, err, break downs." Francis sighed. "They're unpredictable sometimes but thankfully Ivan doesn't have them as often anymore. But if it does happen, please stay calm." _Break downs? _Matthew thought to himself. _Like, violent ones?_

"He likes making friends and he's really excited about meeting you," Matthew blushed a little, flattered. "I just wanted to remind you about all that, everything should go fine, okay?"

"Okay," Matthew replied.

* * *

><p>"<em>Ivan," Katyusha greeted her younger brother at the door when he arrived home from school. "We need to talk." Telling by her grim expression, he knew he was in trouble.<em>

_Kat kneeled down in front of him and held out her hand. To his horror, the necklace him and Maks had stolen from her the week before lay on her hand. Deep remorse arose in his chest._

* * *

><p>Francis pulled into the driveway of Ivan's house. It was a rather large house, a little older looking style-wise. Matthew looked up at it with awe, wondering how it would look on the inside.<p>

Francis got out and shut the door. "Come on,"

"We're going inside?" Matthew unhooked his seat belt.

"Oui, come on," Matthew got out of the car and caught up with Francis

When he rang the doorbell, a woman's voice yelled from inside. "Come in!" Francis opened the door and they walked inside. A lady with short blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes near a large glass coffee table, covered in towels and socks. She sat in a wheelchair, smiling and waving happily. "Hello Francis, it's nice to see you again!" she called in a thick Russian accent.

"Katyusha," Francis approached her and hugged her tightly. "Need any help with this?"

"No, darling, I'm fine," she kissed Francis's cheek. "Is this Matthew?"

Francis nodded, Katyusha rolled the wheelchair over to take a closer look at him. "It's nice to meet you, Matthew. I'm Ivan's sister, Katyusha." She held her arms out to hug him. Matthew leaned over carefully, but she pulled him in and hugged him tightly. He was taken surprise at first but then softly laughed.

"Ivan's in his room," she let go of Matthew and moved back to her place at the coffee table. "Nice of you guys to get him out of his room, and he seems pretty excited about it." She took Francis's hand and kissed it. "Once again, thank you," she wiped a tear from her eye.

"It's no problem, Katyusha," Francis touched her cheek.

"Francis?" Matthew nearly flinched when the voice called and a very tall, large figure appeared in the room. He examined him, almost gasping. _Francis said he was attractive but dang, _Matthew stopped at that, shaking the thought away. He had an innocent, almost childlike face and a large nose, but there was just something about his almost silvery colored hair –probably soft– or maybe it was his brilliant purple colored eyes, much like his own, that completely threw Matthew off guard.

Matthew was also very fascinated in the way he dressed; normally for the most part with some jeans and a black coat, but the very long, light tan scarf around his neck gave him made him stand out. He looked fit, though a little chubby. Matthew liked that; He looked like a bear, and he _loves_ bears.

"Francis!" Ivan ran over to Francis like a kid would run for an ice cream truck and hugged him tightly. _Cuddliness runs in the family_, Matthew thought to himself, almost laughing. Ivan suddenly kissed Francis. Not like how Katyusha kissed him, but it was full on lip contact. Francis didn't seem to mind, and looked as though he expected to be kissed. Matthew took a look at Kat, she sat there smiling as if the whole thing was normal.

Ivan then approached Matthew, looking down at him with interest and curiosity._ Did it get a little cold in here_, Matthew thought to himself, smiling up at him. "I'm Matthew, nice to meet you." He told him, confidently, though he kept a mellow tone of voice. He had nothing to worry about, Francis assured him of that earlier.

Ivan gasped in excitement. "I'm," he cleared his throat and blushed a little bit. "I'm Ivan, and I'm happy I've finally gotten to meet you," The most Matthew expected was a hug, but like Francis, got a kiss on the lips. He froze in place, not knowing what to do. Ivan's lips were soft and cold on his, and it wasn't bad, just sudden. He instinctively grabbed onto Ivan's arms. When Ivan pulled away, he clung onto Matthew's arms back and giggled. Matthew blushed and looked at Francis; he just shrugged._ I just want you to know he says and does things that are a little out there, _Matthew remembered.

"It's nice to finally meet you, too, Ivan," Matthew kissed his cheek. _Casual kissing_, he thought, _I kinda like that._

* * *

><p>"<em>Ivan," Kat touched the boy's shoulder. "Do not cry, I just want to know why you took my necklace." Ivan couldn't answer that. He didn't want to take it, nor was he the one who stole it in the first place.<em>

* * *

><p>Ivan let go of him and ran to his sister. "We're going," he kissed her on her right temple. "Tebya lyublyu, Kat," he pecked all over her head. "Will you be alright being here without me for a little while?"<p>

"Yes, go have fun now, besides, I have Natalya," Kat laughed, giving his cheek a few kisses.

"Big brother," Matthew jumped, not noticing the younger girl who was standing behind him. He wondered when she showed up and how he didn't realize she was there. She looked much different from Kat and Ivan, face wise, and her hair was long. She had a very elegant look to her, she wore beautiful dress and her makeup was probably flawless. She glanced at Matthew with her dark blue eyes and looked back at her brother. "Are you leaving?" she asked in a worried voice.

"Yes Natalya, I'll be back tomorrow," he walked over and kissed her forehead. "I'll be fine,"

"Who is this?" she glanced back at Matthew.

"That's Matthew, a friend of Francis's."

"Okay," she hugged him and kissed his cheek. "Be careful," she took another glance at Matthew before letting go of Ivan and taking a place on the couch by Katyusha.

"I'll bring him back tomorrow morning," Francis assured them, grabbing Ivan's bag and walking towards the front door.

"Bye!" Ivan waved at his sisters and followed Francis.

It was nice to meet you!" Matthew added shyly, and went after the two at the door.

* * *

><p>"<em>You know you're a piece of trash, right?" Maks said, taking a sip from his glass. Ivan didn't respond and swayed gently on his swing. He didn't know why Maks had to remind him again. "How long are you grounded?" he laughed.<em>

"_For another week, I have to get back inside before it's another two weeks," Ivan hopped off his swing and fixed his scarf._

"_Bitch," Maks muttered, just loud enough for Ivan to hear him as he walked back into the house._

* * *

><p>Ivan sat in the back, directly behind Matthew, and asked him questions the whole way to Francis's house.<p>

"Do you like my sisters?" he asked, leaning over towards Matthew and putting his hands on the back of the seat he was sitting on.

"Yes, they both seem very nice," Matthew smiled.

"Really? You don't think they're strange?" he asked, surprised.

"No, not at all," Matthew replied.

"Do you have sisters?" He asked.

"No, two brothers, none of which are blood related to me," Matthew replied. "It's complicated but I come all the way from Canada, I've known my adoptive parents all my life but they took me in about 9 months ago, and my brother Alfred in 2 years ago" Ivan looked deeply interested at this point, so he continued. "I lived with my grandmother because my parents couldn't take care of me. But then she passed and my parents were nowhere to be found, so Mr. and Mrs. Kirkland took me in." Matthew looked at Ivan again, he now looked distressed.

"Oh no, don't worry about me, I um, I'm perfectly at peace with everything's that had happened." Ivan smiled a small smile. "So tell me about your…" he stopped, deciding that question is possibly the worse question to ask him. "… Self."

"Uhh… I dunno," Ivan looked down at the floor of the car.

"Ivan likes knitting," Francis cut in. Ivan got flustered.

"Who doesn't?" both Matthew and Ivan snapped back at him at the same time. Matthew gave him a comforting smile and giggled.

"Oh and Matthew likes cooking, too, you guys have some similar interests."

"I do like cooking," Matthew told him, avoiding any questioning. Ivan nodded and loosened his scarf.

Francis glanced at Matthew and mouthed, "Good job" at him. _This is nice_, Matthew thought, _Ivan doesn't seem so bad. Though, I do wonder what had happened to him._

* * *

><p><em> Ivan picked himself up from the cold winter ground. Rubbing his swollen eye, he looked up at his one and only friend.<em>

_ "You know," Maks told him, staring down at him with his sharp, icy eyes. "If you weren't such a wimp maybe you wouldn't get beat up."_

_ "Maks…" he reached out to him, just to get kicked right in the stomach. "Oh!" he cried. By the time Katyusha came running outside, Maks had left._

_ "Ivan, who did this to you?" she asked urgently, and before Ivan could yell out Maks, he found himself wondering what he would do without a single friend, and what Maks do if he told someone about what he did._

_ Ivan shrugged. "I don't know, Kat," he cried as Katyusha helped him into the house. What am I to do, he asked himself. The only answer he knew was nothing, he couldn't do anything else._

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><p><strong>Fun fact; Ivan canonly kisses people as a greeting. (In this story, since Francis has known him for awhile, he's quite used to it.) I don't know about ballet but he also canonly likes cooking and knitting.<strong>

**Thanks for reading, I hope you guys enjoyed it. I'll be sure to work on the next chapter very soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Happy August you guys! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, because I certainly had a tough time writing it.**

**And thanks for the kind reviews. This isn't a popular pairing and I was surprised to get two reviews already. Bless you guys.**

**Anyway, happy reading.**

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><p>❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅<p>

_"Hello there," a kind voice greeted Ivan. He looked up from his book and saw a new face._

_ "Hi," Ivan responded. The happy green eyes and the way the other boy clutched onto the things he was holding comforted Ivan; he clearly wasn't there to hurt him._

_ "I'm new here," The other replied. "And I saw the book you were reading. I love The Series of Unfortunate Events," he held out the book he was holding. "I'm on book four,"_

_ Ivan smiled sincerely at Toris. "I'm on book five, I'm a slow reader, though, and you may catch up to me if I'm not careful." Toris laughed._

_ "I'm Toris, what's your name?" he asked._

_ "My name is Ivan," he told him. "Wanna be friends?" Toris nodded excitedly._

_ Ivan couldn't help but notice Maks standing several feet away, watching. He didn't want to think of Maks, or if he cared about Toris talking to him. He made a new friend, that's what Ivan cared about most at the moment._

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><p>Upon arriving at Francis's house, Matthew wondered what sort things he and Ivan did when they were together. Every time he came over, the two of them would do all kinds of ridiculous things. Last time, they stole every pillow in the house, stacked them on Francis's small-sized bed and ended up wrestling on it. Last summer, they threw glow sticks into the fountain next door after dark and swam in it before getting caught. Because Matthew was a couple of years younger than both Ivan and Francis, he would not be surprised if they did more mature things. But, yet again, he couldn't imagine Francis doing something more 'grown-up' then making penis-shaped pancakes (which he, of course, didn't mind what shape they were in. Pancakes are pancakes, Matthew loved them to death.)<p>

The first thing Matthew did was throw his bags down, slip off his jacket, and jump onto the bed. He laid his face comfortably on one of the soft pillows. Francis joined him, grabbing his legs and pushing him to the other side of the bed to make room for him. Matthew kicked at him, his giggles were muffled.

Ivan walked in soon after and removed his coat. "Hey, Ivan!" Francis called, pushing Matthew's legs away. "See that can on the dresser over there?" Matthew looked up from the pillow and glanced at the dresser. He squinted to read the label. _Silly string_, Matthew thought, _seriously?_

Ivan grinned and grabbed the bottle after discarding his jacket onto the floor. Francis held his hand out, only to be sprayed in the face instead. Francis stopped smiling and gave Ivan the look of 'I trusted you, but you betrayed me'. He gently brushed the colorful strings out of his hair.

"Now, now…" Ivan nailed him again; Francis spit some out of his mouth. "Oh this is war," Francis growled and grabbed his shoulders, throwing him onto the pillows. Matthew yelped and grabbed a large pillow to shield himself from the screaming French man and the massive amounts of silly string flying all around the room. The two eventually went quiet other than the sound of something hitting the floor across the room from them. Francis laughed evilly.

Matthew looked up from the pillow and grabbed his arm. Francis flinched and shot him a glare.

"You can't get it now," Matthew told him.

"Why can't I?" Francis asked.

"The floor is lava," Ivan giggled as Francis turned his head and stared down at his carpet. After a minute of silence, there was a quiet sound of chirping.

"Pierre #2, is that you?" Francis called, worried. He sat up and leaned forward a little, as if to listen more closely. A small white bird came into view from down the hall. It chirped back and landed on the doorknob of the bathroom door. Francis owned about 6 of them, all named Pierre, living together in a rather large cage in the living room. Francis let them out a lot, and how he trained them to be housebroken is a huge mystery.

"It's unsafe for you!" He cried loudly. "Stay there, I'm coming!" Francis crawled over Ivan and jumped down onto the discarded coat on the floor. He carefully put his feet up onto the bottom lining of the hallway walls and slowly scooted towards the door.

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><p><em>The bell rang to return to class. Toris gathered his things and waved goodbye to Ivan before leaving. Ivan slipped his book into his bag, and to none of his surprise, he felt someone creep up by him.<em>

"_Who was that?" Maks asked, sounding bitter._

"_Toris," Ivan gave a short answer, not looking up._

"_You told him to get lost, right?"_

"_Come on, Maks," Ivan got up and took Maks's wrist. "Let's get to class," Maks jerked his arm away from Ivan._

"_Yeah, come on," he grabbed onto Ivan's arm. Ivan cringed from the pain. "Let's get to class."_

* * *

><p>Ivan sat up and brushed the silly string off his clothes. "Always an adventure coming over here," he laughed, glancing at Matthew.<p>

"I'm not complaining," He set the pillow aside and grabbed a couple of strands out of Ivan's hair. His arm began to shake under Ivan's view; he quickly withdrew his hand and nervously ran his fingers through his own hair. Ivan didn't seem to notice Matthew's edginess and just chuckled, removing another piece from his shirt and putting it on Matthew's head.

Matthew smiled and brushed it out. He watched as the string feel down into the space between the two. "That's a nice scarf," he muttered and picked up one end. The light tan color didn't go too well with the long-sleeved, dark grey shirt he was wear, but it was pretty. Matthew ran a hand across the fabric, in awe of how lovely it felt. "It's so… Soft."

"Thanks," Ivan replied. "My sister made it for me years ago," Matthew looked at him, confused. _Years? How is it still in such a good condition?_

"Pierre #2!" Francis's voice brought their focus on the host, who was across the hallway, still scooting, slowly but surely, to his bird. "No need to worry, I have come to rescue you from the deadly flo-" The bird hopped off the doorknob and flew into the room. It landed on Matthew's knee, turning to look at Francis as if it was taunting him. "_Pierre #2!_" Francis squealed. He struggled to turn around without touching the floor. Ivan and Matthew watched, trying to hold in their laughter. "Oh forget it, I'm hungry." He stepped down from the lining and disappeared into the kitchen.

Matthew cupped his hands and gently picked up Pierre. The small bird chirped and looked back at him curiously. He was used to the birds flying around the house but as friendly as they were, one had never landed on him before.

Ivan gently petted its head with a finger. "I wonder how he knew which Pierre it was,"

"I'm almost sure he doesn't, he just wants to impress us," Ivan chuckled. Pierre jumped out of Matthew's hands and flew onto Francis's TV screen. "We should go with Francis, I'm starving."

"Yeah, but um," Ivan spoke, making a face. "Let's wash our hands first, birds are icky,"

Matthew laughed. "Alright, let's go then."

* * *

><p><em>"My parents wanted to move to Fletcher but we moved here instead," Toris sat by Ivan on the swing set. Toris lived on the next street over and they had decided to meet at the swings one afternoon. "Not that Wye isn't as nice. It would have just been more pleasant to be closer to my old friends,"<em>

"_How many friends did you have?" Ivan asked, curious._

"_A few, I'm not too good at socializing." He replied. "There was Eduard, Ravis and then my best friend Feliks. You should meet them someday, I'm sure they'll love you,"_

"_That sounds great," Ivan felt himself jitter in excitement._

"_Yeah, do you have any other friends?" Ivan's delight was instantly replaced with anxiety._

"_I do," he answered, quietly._

"_Who?"_

"_His name is Maks, he's my best friend," Ivan shuffled uncomfortably in place and sighed._

"_I'd like to meet him, and then the three of us can all be friends," Toris chirped happily._

"_Yeah," Ivan's stomach cramped up. "My sisters are expecting me to be home soon, I have to go."_

"_Okay, see you later," Ivan smiled slightly and got off the swing. "Have a good night, I enjoyed meeting you today!" Toris called._

"_I-I enjoyed meeting you, too," Ivan turned around and waved. "Good night, Toris," As he turned back around, Ivan sincerely felt happy again._

* * *

><p>Matthew squirted some soap onto his hands and quietly rinsed. Ivan was a few feet away at the other sink. After drying his hands, he felt cold, wet droplets splash onto his back and neck. Turning around, Ivan flicked water at him again. Alfred did this to him, almost every night when they washed hands before dinner. Matthew, though, would play a little hardcore.<p>

Ivan giggled and wiped his hands on the hand towel before heading out the bathroom door. Almost by habit, Matthew grabbed the hand towel that Ivan had left behind and rolled it up diagonally. _Smack_, Matthew had whipped him almost perfectly on his left butt cheek. Ivan jolted up and let out a squeal.

"Ivan, oh my goodness," Matthew dropped the towel, instantly regretting his actions. _What if Ivan was triggered by that sort of thing? _"I am so sorry, my brother Alfred does that to me and that's my immediate reaction but that's absolutely no excuse," Ivan burst into laughter.

"It's fine, Matthew," Ivan assured him, picking up the towel.

"Oh, good," Matthew giggled quietly. "You may hit me back if it isn't." Ivan put the towel up to his face and gently dried the tiny droplets that he flicked onto Matthew's face a few moments ago.

"Why would I hurt you, little Matthew?" Ivan kept his eyes on Matthew's. "You're so kind and gentle…" Ivan withdrew the towel and held it close to him. Matthew didn't reply, his cheeks turned red and he barely nodded.

"Mes amis," Francis walked in holding a bag of crackers in one arm and a can of spray cheese in the other. "It's snack time, and I can't do all the snacking," He glanced down at Matthew. "Ahh," Francis opened his mouth a little.

Matthew did the same back. Francis gently set a cracker partway in Matthew's mouth and sprayed cheese onto the other end. "Thank you," Matthew said, but the words came out inaudible.

Ivan opened his mouth the same way Matthew had done. Francis sprayed cheese on his nose. "Not so fun when it happens to you, huh?" Francis wiped the cheese off with a cracker and took a bite from it.

* * *

><p><em>"Ivan, darling," Ivan heard his sister call from the next room over. "Maks is here," Ivan gradually made his way to the doorway and peered out. The last time he was with Maks, he was still angry about Toris. Ivan was terrified, trying to think of a reason he had come over.<em>

_Maks walked past Katyusha holding a bag. "I brought you something," he said in a calm, kind voice._

_Ivan scooted out from the doorway, feeling uneasy. "What?" He felt the need to ask why. Maks handed him the bag._

"_Your bookshelf looks empty, and you enjoy reading, right?" Maks was smiling, but Ivan couldn't help but feel like he was forcing it._

"_Yeah, I do," Ivan replied. "Thanks."_

"_Let's go play," Maks walked past him and headed to his room._

"_Oh, okay," Ivan followed after him. Maybe, he thought, maybe Maks is genuinely trying to do something nice for me._

* * *

><p>Matthew was almost sure they all had moved every bit of food from the kitchen into the bedroom. At least it was an orderly feast neatly laid out on the floor. There was a large platter filled with at least 9 different kinds of chips, several liters of sodas, and even a plate piled with a mountain of marshmallows, complete with a tiny flag on the top.<p>

They ate and had small talk, until Francis got a brilliant idea.

"Let's play 'never have I ever,'"

"Huh? We don't have any drinks," Matthew cut in.

"We can use the clothing method instead." Francis responded, crossing his arms.

"You just want to get naked," Matthew accused him.

"Hey, if I just wanted to get naked I would have done so already,"

"I want to play," Ivan interrupted Francis. "It sounds fun,"

"Okay then!" Francis rejoiced. "Ivan, you can go first."

"Never have I ever…" Ivan thought for a second. "Puked in public,"

Matthew gently removed one of his hockey wristbands. "I was 8, and I got sick on an amusement park ride," Francis and Ivan made a grossed out face.

"My turn," Francis began to think. "Never have I ever shaved my legs."

"We know," Matthew said, taking off another wristband. "This is the first time I've actually been the only one who has done things for this game," The two others giggled. "Never have I ever been drunk," they stopped snickering and tossed in a shoe each.

* * *

><p>"<em>Ivan, where have you been?" Maks asked when Ivan arrived to the front of the school one Wednesday morning with Toris. Maks' voice startled him, but he took a deep breath and smiled, ignoring the rather vicious tone in his voice.<em>

"_Toris and I walked to school together."_

"_We were supposed to walk to school together," Maks kept his eyes directly on Ivan's. Ivan felt himself start to get nervous._

"_I told you I was going to walk with-"_

"_And I told you were going to walk with me," Maks interrupted._

"_But," Ivan shuddered out, Toris touched his arm._

"_I'm going to class, see you later," Ivan just nodded at him._

_After Toris had left, Maks grabbed Ivan's hand and pulled him into the building. "Now let's get to class ourselves," Ivan bit his lip and followed after him; because why fight something you know you can't overpower, anyway?_

* * *

><p>The game continued and slowly got more and more dirty. Matthew sat there with his shirt, pants and a sock left; Ivan had his shirt still on, but managed to give up his pants rather than his scarf. The game (thankfully) had ended before Francis could lose the only piece of cloth on his body that shielded the others from seeing a sight they don't want to see.<p>

Francis called it quits and left the room with some empty bowls and plates. Matthew and Ivan continued talking and snacking. Ivan began to open up more and seemed to speak more freely to Matthew than he had in the car. He spoke all about the things he loved, like warm weather and flowers, and the trips to his hometown in Russia, though he didn't remember much about when he actually lived there. He laughed a lot, and rather sincerely. The more they talked, the more Matthew felt at ease around Ivan. Until he mentioned his trips to therapy, Matthew almost forgot all about what Francis had told him.

Francis walked into the room in a fast-paced manner. "We need to go, now," he pointed across the room to the discarded bottle of silly string. "Someone get that."

"Where are we going?" Matthew asked.

"To the park," Francis grabbed his shoes and a jacket and went to walk out the door.

"Don't you need your pants?" Ivan asked.

"I'll live, we need to go!" Francis threw on the jacket and slipped on his shoes. "You'll find out why in a minute,"

* * *

><p><em> Maks seemed to constantly be everywhere Ivan was. He'd always come around with that large, intimating smile. Even if he wasn't around, Ivan swore he could feel Maks was watching him. Ivan tried to express his discomfort, though, but Maks always got defensive.<em>

"_But Ivan, we're best friends."_

_And "After all that I do for, why are you trying to get rid of me?"_

_ It wasn't until about two full weeks of constant stare downs and guilt did the daily anxiety attacks start. They progressed from once a week to sometimes twice a day. Ivan began to constantly check his surroundings, even when he was alone in his bedroom. He started to not be able to sleep as well or much, and when he did, he kept his closet light on._

_ Slowly, he began to close himself off from his family and Toris._


	3. Chapter 3

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

_ Ivan remembers very little of the details of the rest of his 7th grade year and the summer afterwards. Most aspects were unimportant, such as the many days he spent 'sick' and in bed reading, watching movies, or simply staring at the ceiling. Every once in a while, Toris would come by and hang out with him. Ivan loved it when he did, though he never knew what to say most of the time._

* * *

><p>Francis strutted down the street from his house wearing his jacket, worn-down tennis shoes, and bright blue boxers. Matthew was almost used to this, though he and Ivan still had no clue where he was headed when it was late in the afternoon and getting cold outside already.<p>

"Francis, please tell us where we're headed now," Matthew asked.

"Store," Francis answered. There was a convenience store not far from the house, about a 3 minute walk. Even so, they always drove when they needed to get something from the store.

"On foot?" Matthew asked.

"In a hurry?" Ivan added.

"… Yeah basically,"

"What are you playing at?" Matthew questioned. Francis took out his phone.

"It's almost six; we're picking up some mini, multi-colored marshmallows from the store and going to the old playground. But we need to hurry."

Matthew shook his head. "Why?"

"Gilbert told me a certain Spaniard is meeting someone there,"

"Francis no," Matthew sighed.

"Francis yes,"

"I'm confused," Matthew patted Ivan on the back lightly.

"So am I, it's better to just stand back and watch it unfold rather than question it."

"Ah,"

When the three entered the store, the cashier eyed Francis.

"Sir, where are your pants?" the lady asked, her eye twitching in annoyance as if she had to go through this kind of situation before.

"Home," Francis answered.

"I, uh-" she stopped talking when Francis pointed to sign next to the door. _No shirt, no shoes, no service, _it read.

"I meet the requirements, and pants are not on the terms and conditions,"

The cashier sighed and folded her arms. "very well,"

"Come Mattieu, Ivan, no time to spare," he took both their arms and led them down an isle to the marshmallows. After paying, they left for the children's playground down the street. Well, it wasn't much of a playground anymore. Since a new one opened up, nobody paid any more attention to it.

"Okay, so let me get this straight; we came here around 6 in the afternoon to throw marshmallows at Antonio?" Matthew asked when they entered through the gate.

"Basically, and his date or whatever, but we aren't supposed to know they're coming here," Francis explained.

"Who's his date?"

"I'm not sure, he didn't tell Gilbert, but I'm sure it's Belle,"

"I don't think so," Matthew explained. "He never seemed interested in her, plus her brother hates him,"

"And that's why they're meeting up in secret, then!"

"What about that guy he was with when we ran into him after group time?" Ivan cut in.

"Who?" Both Matthew and Francis questioned.

"You know, the Italian one? Angry looking? Twiddles his fingers?"

"Oh, Lovino Vargas," Francis laughed. "I would give you five dollars if it's Lovino. There's no way he'd agree to doing something like meeting up with Antonio in a park alone."

"Deal," The two shook hands and then they all climbed into the old playhouse in the center of the park. Because the sun was setting, they were well hidden. Ivan and Matthew sat while Francis paced around and kept watch.

"I hope we're not out here too long," Matthew told Ivan, but was shushed by Francis.

"Inside voice, Matthew, you'll blow our cover if they're here already," Francis whispered sternly.

"Sorry Francis,"

"Are you afraid of the dark?" Ivan whispered to him.

"Hm? Not really, just it's dangerous to be out in the dark, and cold."

"I'm sure Francis wouldn't keep us out here this long,"

"I sure hope not,"

"And if he does, I'm sure we'll be alright,"

"Shh!" Francis hushed him louder than he was talking.

"I was being quiet," Ivan whispered, trying to be even quieter.

"No, shh!" Francis bent down and covered Ivan's mouth with his hand. "Antonio just walked through the gate." They all peered out the bars, sure enough, Antonio was there.

"What if he comes up here?" Ivan asked.

"We'll escape down the slide," Francis replied.

"Wait, he stopped. Perfect,"

"Hm, good, in reach, too. It's past six, where's our date?"

"Fashionably late,"

"Wait, wait, I see someone,"

"Really? Male or female?"

"Can't tell, it's too dark,"

"I see them, too… Wait,"

"They walked right past, it wasn't them,"

"Damn,"

"Matthew, swear,"

"Sorry, Francis,"

"Hold up,"

"What is it, Ivan?"

"Someone else is walking up," All three boys squinted at the direction.

"Not Belle, completely different body type,"

"Well, I'm sure it can't be- Shit that's Lovino,"

"Francis, swear,"

"Francis, five dollars please,"

"Oh cher,"

"Wow, no wonder he's late, he dressed up quite nicely,"

"That's so unlike him,"

"I can't believe I didn't see this coming, and Ivan did,"

"Maybe I just pick up on things you don't,"

"Guys hush I want to hear what they're saying,"

"… Is calling someone a jerk some sort of expression of feelings now?"

"No, that's just Lovino, he doesn't mean it, and he's smiling with his eyes,"

"I like Antonio takes it without thought and continues to talk to him nicely,"

"Oh! Antonio's reaching for his hand,"

"Look at Lovino's face; it's turning red,"

"Oh my God, he's touching his hand now,"

"How sweet,"

"How gross,"

"Matthew, it's not gross, it's romantic, see?"

"Ugh! Francis don't do that!"

"Hold my hand, Matthew!"

"No!"

"Guys, hush, I think they heard you,"

"… Okay we're safe,"

"They got pretty close to each other,"

"If they start making out, I swear,"

"They're taking it slow,"

"Aw, Toni pecked his forehead,"

"… Now they look like they're slow dancing,"

"I really didn't think Lovino had a side like this,"

"Hold up,"

"Damn,"

"Matt- Oh. Damn,"

"So much for taking it slow,"

"Do I see tongue?"

"Yes,"

"Gross,"

"Yeah, quick, throw a marshmallow at them."

"Okay,"

"… You missed, let me try,"

"… Oh, good shot,"

"They didn't notice, Ivan you try,"

"Okay,"

"Maybe we should try throwing a handful,"

"Good idea,"

"I got one to stay in Antonio's hair,"

"Good job Matthew,"

"I think they're onto us,"

"Lovi noticed the one in his hair,"

"Oh shit, he's staring right in our direction,"

"We need to go," Matthew grabbed Francis's shoulder and Ivan's arm. "Our cover's blown," Before Matthew could pull Francis away, he reached into the bag of marshmallows and pulled out a huge handful.

"Wait," He eyed Matthew and Ivan.

"Francis, no," Ivan gasped.

"You're not," Matthew held in a laugh.

"But I am," Francis chunked the wad of marshmallows down. Upon hearing Lovino shout 'Francis!, Francis grabbed them both. "Run!"

The three managed to escape after being chased down by Lovino, who was yelling and covered in pastel-colored marshmallows, and Antonio, who was probably just following after, laughing loudly. Lovino gave up after racing after them for three or so blocks, luckily. They stopped rushing by the time they were in Francis's yard.

"That was great," Matthew gasped, sitting down in the grass.

"I just hope Antonio isn't too mad," Francis laid by him, laughing.

"Not as mad as Lovino,"

"True, let's get inside, it's cold,"

"You really should have grabbed your pants before we left,"

"Hush,"

* * *

><p><em>Visits became rare once time went on, Toris made new friends, and Ivan didn't make much effort to spend much time with him. Ivan saw less of Maks, too. At first, he was scared of losing them as friends, but he found himself not caring.<em>

* * *

><p>When they arrived back into Francis's room, they found that the Pierres had taken care of some of the food they left from before.<p>

"I hope they don't get sick from eating any of that," Matthew uttered.

"They've eaten pencils, toilet paper, and out of the trash before. They'll be fine," Francis replied, picking up some of the plates. "I'll make something, just relax,"

"Are you sure?" Matthew asked.

"Oui, go share some marshmallows with Ivan, I'll be back," Francis handed him the bag and winked.

"Ah, okay," Matthew sat on the bed and watched Francis leave the room. Ivan entered the room holding a five dollar bill moments later. "How did you know it was Lovino?"

"Well," Ivan sat by him. "Once Francis and I decided to hang out after therapy one day and we happened to see them at the post office. I'm guessing I caught onto the chemistry between them when Francis did not,"

"Wow, you're just naturally able to tell if someone's interested in someone?"

"Not really," He laughed. "I saw them holding hands, Francis didn't."

"And you still made him bet?"

"I didn't make him bet, and I didn't care much about getting the money." He explained. "I just wanted to see the look on his face." Matthew erupted into laughter. "But that's just between you and me, okay?"

"I won't tell him, I promise,"

"Okay, good,"

The two spent the next half hour watching TV and talking about their favorite shows while sharing a blanket.

"So you've watched all of Breaking Bad, Pushing Daisies, Archer, Doctor Who, including the classic series, Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, The Office, American Horror Story, _and_ House?" Matthew asked, surprised.

"Yes, I'd be surprised if you named something I haven't seen,"

"How about Dexter?"

"Seen it,"

"Scrubs?"

"I love Scrubs!"

"… Sherlock?"

"Watched that one a month ago,"

"Hm…. Bob's Burgers!"

"Seen that, too,"

"Damn it!"

"Swear!"

"What haven't you seen?"

"I haven't seen Community yet,"

"You _haven't_?"

"Nyet, not yet,"

"You need to!"

"Well of course,"

"Food!" Francis came into the room holding a pan. The room filled with the nice smell of freshly cooked beef and veggies covered in soy sauce.

"That smells nice, what is it?" Matthew sat up and brushed his hair back.

"Beef stir-fry," Francis replied, bringing the dish closer to him so he can see. "I see you two are getting pretty comfortable around each other." Francis gave them a look. Matthew realized he was lying awfully close to Ivan, but that's only because the blanket was so small, and maybe because Ivan was warm.

"Da, Matthew and I were just talking and watching TV,"

"Cute, now come on, let's go eat,"

* * *

><p><em>Life felt almost unreal; as if his soul was hanging onto his body from a thread. Ivan clearly remembered the melancholy sensation that he held on his shoulders even in the future. He wished he appreciated isolation during that moment of his life.<em>

* * *

><p>Later, Matthew got dressed in his night clothes and returned to the room. Francis was in nothing but his boxers and socks and Ivan walked passed him to change in the bathroom. Francis looked up from his phone and laughed when he saw him.<p>

"Are those polar bears?" Matthew glanced down at his new set of pajamas his foster mom had gotten him a month before.

"Yes," Matthew replied, his face flushing. "Does it look bad?"

"Nope, it suits you, you know," Matthew sat by Francis on the bed. Francis put his phone away and tugged on the sleeve of Matthew's shirt. "I didn't have a chance to ask you before but you like Ivan, no?"

"Well, of course I do," Matthew grinned. "He's really sweet and kind and we like the same things."

"I thought so," Francis responded, sitting up. "I knew you two would hit it off. And sorry about the whole kissing thing from earlier today. I didn't think he'd do that." Matthew stomach flipped, remembering Ivan's weird greeting when they met.

"It's fine, he just scared me a little," Matthew laughed.

"You're blushing,"

"I am?"

"Yeah," Francis put an arm around him. "Did you get his number yet?"

"What?!" Matthew huffed.

"Come on, he may be a little weird but-" Francis stopped talking when Ivan entered the room. He was wearing one of those brown bear onesies with ears on the hood. Matthew stared at it in awe, as if Ivan didn't already remind him of a huge teddy bear.

"I'm back,"

"I see," Francis answered back. "I wasn't told we were all wearing bear pajamas."

"But Francis, you're hairy enough to be a bear!" Matthew laughed. Francis pinched his cheeks.

"And you're cute enough to be my cub, come here!" Matthew jumped up before Francis can grab onto him.

"No!" Matthew shouted, laughing.

"Come back here my child!" Francis called. Matthew ran and hid behind Ivan.

"You're not my real dad!"

"Mother wouldn't have wanted this!" Francis chased Matthew in circles around Ivan before catching him and holding him tightly. "Ah, your pajamas are soft."

"Not so silly, now are they?"

"They're still pretty silly, not as silly as Ivan's though."

"Hey! My sister bought me this, and I love it!" Ivan snapped, laughing. "Though it is a little funny looking."

Francis jumped onto the bed. "So what are we going to do the rest of tonight?"

"Video games or cat videos sound alright," Matthew answered, sitting by him and taking a pillow.

"I'm in!" Francis shouted.

After a couple of hours or so of playing the PS3, Francis had fallen asleep, snoring loudly and drooling onto his pillow with one of his hairy legs touching Matthew's leg. All three of them were crowded onto his bed with Matthew in the middle holding up his phone while he and Ivan watched videos on the internet.

"He's loud," Ivan whispered.

"You don't have to whisper, he won't wake up," Matthew stated, shifting a little under the covers.

"Oh," Ivan replied, yawning.

"Getting tired?"

"Yeah," Matthew glimpsed at him. Ivan was laying by his shoulder, trying to keep his eyes open.

"We should call it a night,"

"Yeah,"

"I have some ear buds if you can't sleep through the snoring."

"That'll be great," he sat up. "I'll get them. Where are they?"

"Small front pocket on my bag, thanks," Ivan got off the bed and returned with the ear buds. Matthew took them and plugged them into his phone with his headphone splitter. "I hope you like ballet music."

"Ballet music sounds nice," Ivan's voice got softer as he lay back down by Matthew. "Oh, Matthew,"

"Huh?"

"I'm… Really glad I got to meet you… Finally."

"Finally?" Matthew handed him his pair of ear buds.

"Da," He took them and put one in his ear. "Francis always talked about how good friends we would be and how he really wanted us to meet."

"And he was right," Matthew smiled warmly at him. "I'm really glad I got to meet you, too."

"Really?"

"I'm serious," Ivan scooted closer, their foreheads touched.

"Um…" Ivan bit his lip. "Did Francis… Tell you?"

Matthew thought for a minute; _He must be talking about his past_. "No, he didn't tell me,"

"Oh, uh, I…"

"It's okay, whatever it is, I'm not here to judge you," Matthew tried thinking of a better reply. "And you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to,"

"You sure?"

"Yes, let's go to sleep."

"Alright," Ivan's voice was quieter. "I will tell you one day, though,"

"Whenever you're ready," Matthew felt him nod. He pressed play on the music and put in his other ear bud. He closed his eyes and felt Ivan kiss his temple.

"Good night, Matthew," He could feel the bed tremble from Ivan's side.

"Good night, Ivan," In the dark, he couldn't see Ivan's face. He felt around and touched his hair; he heard a whimper and moved to kiss his forehead. Ivan slowly grabbed onto his shirt and burrowed his head into the crook of his neck. Matthew relaxed and slowly stroked his arm.

_Oh Ivan_, he thought, _maybe the kindest people fight the hardest. _Ivan's clutch eased as he fell asleep. Matthew closed his eyes and dozed off soon after. _Whatever happened to you, I hope you'll move past it completely one day._

* * *

><p><em>An important detail of that summer, though, was the first time Ivan truly felt real fear. All the torture had jaded him before, but nothing could prepare him for the terror of the first time in forever Maks had come over. He wouldn't have guessed he would had taken out a small hand gun and held it up to his head, grinning as if he wasn't a movement away from ending someone else's life.<em>

_ "Hey Ivan, wanna do me a favor?"_

* * *

><p><strong> Hey, so it's the end of summer. <strong>** I'm glad to see several people are enjoying it so far, so here's a nice long chapter before school starts up. If anyone sees any spelling/grammar errors, please tell me so I can fix it. Thanks for reading and good night!**


	4. Chapter 4

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

_ Ivan walked cautiously into the grocery store. Just take a pack, he told himself, and walk out. He took a deep breath. It will be easy, right? He approached the display of cigarettes. He quickly took a pack and put it in his pocket. He looked around and began to walk out._

_ "Hey kid," the man at the counter called. "Doing okay?"_

_ "Yes sir," Ivan's voice was shaking._

_ "Can you come here for a second?"_

* * *

><p>Matthew was greeted by a ceiling and hair in his mouth when he woke up the next morning. He wiped his eyes and removed out the lock of his hair from his lips. Francis, who was halfway on him, was still slumbering and slobbering. Ivan was the same, only his face was faced-down in his pillow. Matthew gently lifted each limb one-by-one off of his body until he was able to at least sit up. Perhaps all of them sleeping in the same bed wasn't the best idea. Sleeping in the middle of the two was an even worse idea.<p>

He spotted his phone and ear buds in the spot he was laying in. He picked it up and checked the time. 8:17 a.m., he read. He glanced up at the battery percentage; _at least the battery survived the night_. He retrieved both pairs of ear buds and unplugged them before tossing them to his overnight bag.

Matthew crawled over the sleeping Frenchman, quietly slipping off the bed. He plugs his phone into the charger. It's so boring, he tells himself, to be the first one to wake up. His stomach growled noisily, he wordlessly prayed there was something to eat.

When he opened the refrigerator in the kitchen, he spotted a nice container of cinnamon buns. Rejoicing, he began preparing them. After he put the buns in, he heard footsteps coming from the hall behind him.

"Okay," He turned to see Ivan walking out slowly into the kitchen, sporting sleepy eyes and major bed-head with his ear pressed against his cell phone. "I just woke up, but I'll get my stuff ready." He sat down at the counter and smiled sleepily at Matthew. "Yes, we had fun… No, no trouble at all… I know. I'll tell you about it when you pick me up… Okay mom, love you, too… Bye." He removed the phone from his ear and hung up.

"You're about to leave?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah, mom likes to get me home before she leaves for work. Katyusha also needs help cleaning the bathroom today." Matthew chuckled.

"That's how it was for me for a while, until Arthur started driving. I don't like bothering him too much, though,"

"Arthur is your oldest brother?"

"Yeah, the calmer one," Matthew replied as the oven beeped. "Want a cinnamon bun?" he asked.

Ivan nodded. "They smell nice,"

"Thanks," he took them out of the oven.

"I'll help you ice them,"

"Okay,"

The two stood close as they covered the pastries with icing without any more words. Matthew hummed to replace the silence in the room. Ivan began to hum with him when his phone went off.

He set his knife aside and pulled out his phone. "My mom's here," he quickly replied before handing his phone to Matthew. "I uh, I need your number before I go." Matthew nodded.

"Go ahead and get your stuff," Ivan disappeared down the hall.

Matthew entered his number into Ivan's phone and set it on the counter. _Too bad he couldn't have breakfast_, he thought. Ivan returned with his bags. "Do you need held with that?" he asked him.

"No, I got it," Ivan replied. "But give me a hug, I kinda can't," he beamed shyly.

"Oh, right," Matthew approached Ivan and hugged him tightly.

"One last thing," Ivan whispered to him before he pulled away.

"Yes?"

"Can you get one of those cinnamon buns for me?"

"Oh sure," Matthew let go of him and picked up his knife. After carefully getting one out of the bunch, he held the pastry up to Ivan. "How are you going to..?" Ivan took the bun with his mouth. "Oh,"

"Mmm, so gmm," Ivan muffledly laughed.

"What was that?" Matthew giggled.

"Is tashy," he responded.

"Oh, it's good?"

"Ya, I need phone,"

"Right!" Matthew grabbed the phone and slipped it into his pocket. "Don't keep her waiting,"

"See you, Matru, glaff to have met you!" Matthew opened the door for him. "Thank you," He watched as Ivan left.

"Glad to have met you, too, Ivan! See you later,"

"Hopefully soon," Ivan turned his head and smiled at him. Matthew waved goodbye and closed the door.

* * *

><p>"<em>I can't believe it,"<em>

"_At least he let us off without a fine,"_

"_That's beside the point, he tried stealing cigarettes,"_

_Ivan lay in bed with the covers over his head. He's been grounded to his room for the whole rest of the summer. Not being able to see Maks till school was a bittersweet blessing, and because of that, Ivan dreaded going back even more._

_Every night, his parents came into his room and asked him the same question. "Why did you do it?" He always told them he didn't know when the real answer was he was afraid for his life._

_After everyone had gone to bed, and has been in bed, that night, Ivan got out from under his covers and went to the kitchen. The fridge door opened to a half-empty bottle of vodka._

_Ivan recalled the time he asked his mom and dad why they drank alcohol. "It's how adults cover up stress, darling," they told him. And that night, Ivan decided to try just that._

* * *

><p>Matthew spent the next hour watching TV and sharing breakfast with one Francis's birds like every other morning he spends at Francis's residence. With his plate aside, he relaxed into the comfortable sofa.<p>

"Hey, where's Ivan?" Francis asked, jumping over the back of the couch and sitting down next to Matthew.

"Maple Francis!" Matthew flinched and fell over. He shoved his friend with his foot. "You scared the crap out of me!"

"Oui, sorry," Francis took hold of his foot, squeezing it. Matthew pulled it away from him and sat back up. "Did he leave?"

"He left an hour ago," Matthew told him.

"Dang," Francis sat further back, taking a deep breath. "So,"

"So… What?"

"I'm still a rock star,"

"Francis, no,"

"Okay, so…" Francis smiled deviously at him. "Did your big bear kiss you good bye?" Francis made a kissy face at him.

Matthew knitted his eyebrows. "No,"

"Huh?"

"He… Didn't."

"Well, that's odd,"

"So was that question,"

"I'm just playing around. Aren't you interested in him, though?" Francis asked, leaning over to lay his head on Matthew's arm.

"I guess _interested_ would be a good word for it," Matthew felt the top of his ears redden.

"How interested, though?"

"He like the same things as I do, and he's attractive, so…" Francis let out a laugh and reached up to pinch Matthew's cheek. "I'm not even sure if a relationship sounds nice or not, so don't even think of meddling,"

"Oh, Matthew! Of course not, and besides, getting to know and trust someone takes time. Especially on his part, though I'm sure he knows you mean no harm. I also know relationships are between two people, if and as desired, but I'm willing to help out if you need it,"

Matthew let out a sigh. "Does he even like guys?"

"I wouldn't be teasing you and him if I didn't know for sure,"

"You've discussed your fantasies about me and him to him?" Matthew squeaked.

"Shh, Matthew," Francis held a finger over his lips. "My conversations with him are strictly between him and I, as ours' are kept away from his ears. Oh, say, did you get his number?"

"No but I gave him mine…" Matthew felt around. "Oh hockey sticks, my phone's in your room," Matthew got up and ran for the room.

"Don't keep him waiting, mon cher!" Francis laughed.

* * *

><p><em>Ivan's drinking progressed over the summer months. Every day that passed, the more Ivan felt the need to feel the buzz from a few sips of his<em> _mom's vodka or his dad's tequila. Life was becoming a drinking game for him. For every night run, a shot, for every time the rest of the house was empty, two shots, for every time Maks crossed his mind, three._

_When he felt repentance for drinking or stealing his parent's drinks, he would simply drink more so he would forget he even felt emotion. The days coming up for him would just get harder, why should he dread them like he was shrinking away from the present as it is?_

* * *

><p>(8:45) From 223-495-1137:<br>Matthew! It's Ivan!

(9:07) From 223-495-1137:  
>Hello? Did you enter the right number? You might just be busy. I'll talk to you later than.<p>

Matthew nearly smacked himself in the forehead. Oh, how could he have given him his number and forget to reply to his messages? He added Ivan's number to his contacts and quickly replied.

(10:21) To Ivan:  
>Sorry! I left my phone in the Francis's room to charge and I got distracted with Sunday morning cartoons and food.<p>

Matthew walked back into the family room and sat down by Francis.

"Did he text you?"

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

"What do you think he said?"

"Oh, Matthew, it's been so long already!" Francis threw himself across Matthew's lap. "My heart is growing with longing desire to see your sweet little Canadian face again,"

Matthew covered his face with his hands. "Francis…!"

"Come run away with me to mother Russia and feast upon hot Shchi and vodka before we make sweet, sweet illegal love in Putin's bed," Matthew and Francis were both choked up with laughter for the next few minutes. Matthew's phone went off. He wiped the tears from his eyes and took a deep breath before checking the message.

(10:24) From Ivan:  
>It is fine. Francis up? He always sleep late.<p>

(10:24) To Ivan:  
>Surprisingly he's been up for a while now<p>

"Hey!" Francis grunted and took Matthew's phone.

(10:25) To Ivan:  
>Francis needs his beauty sleep so he stays fresh and sexy anyway<p>

Francis hit send and set Matthew's phone on his lap. Matthew sighed and turned his attention back to the TV. "We kinda cuddled last night."

"Oh what kind of cuddling are we talking about?" Francis asked.

"The only kind of cuddling there is?" Matthew looked at him confused.

"Non, was it just cuddling or was it ohh~ cuddling?"

"The kind of cuddling we do, Francis, only… It was a bit more... Touchy and emotional, if you will."

"Ohhh…" Francis smirked. "Why do you say that?"

"I well… I might have been comforting him. He asked if I knew, and I told him no. And he teared up a little."

"And then?"

"He kissed me here," Matthew pointed to his temple. "So I kissed him here," He moved his finger to his forehead. "And then we cuddled."

"Matthew, you kids are so touchy already," Francis shook his head. "I hope you know what comes with being with someone with emotional and some physical scars." Matthew nearly gasped. _Physical_?

"I know,"

"Matthew, really, it wouldn't be anywhere near the same as when you had to deal with me. I took my frustrations out much earlier and I never depended on anyone for my recovery. I don't mean stop liking Ivan due to his past or present struggles, be it you're his friend or lover, but don't let him think he can depend on you or someone else for his own recovery. Help him, but don't lead him astray."

Matthew nodded. "I understand."

"Good," Francis smiled. "I'm sure you can handle it, I was troublesome the many times I relapsed,"

"Not really, you just cried a lot sometimes. Arthur did get onto me for us running out of tissues though," They both laughed, Francis forcibly hugged Matthew, sending them back down onto the couch.

"You're a good friend, Matthew, I'm sure Ivan's in good hands,"

"He has you, too."

"But I'm sure he'll get closer to you than me," Matthew patted Francis's head. His phone went off again.

(10:31) From Ivan:  
>That was Francis no?<p>

* * *

><p><em>First day of 8<em>_th__ grade, Ivan almost instantly faced Maks upon being dropped off by Katyusha. Only this time, Maks had some friends with him._

"_Heard you got grounded after stealing," Maks had the cocky tone of voice Ivan was not looking forward to on hearing at all for months._

_ "I did,"_

_ "Were you in jail?"_

_ "No,"_

_ "How did you get away with it?" Ivan shrugged, all the boys laughed._

_ "That's awesome."_

"_We'll catch you later, Ivan," That was it. They left. Ivan almost denied the event as a whole. He adjusted the strap of his bag and entered the building._

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** I basically wrote 98% of this chapter in a day. I was just so bored up until Francis waking up.  
><strong>

**Anyway, a few things to note here:**

**I usually don't make what specific sexualities characters are clear but if anyone's curious Francis is a pansexual, Ivan is homosexual and Matthew is bisexual.**

**Shchi is a type of hot soup, made with cabbage.  
><strong>

**I have no choice but to reveal Francis's back story in a later chapter. Be looking forward to that.**

**I'm still laughing about the whole "make sweet, sweet illegal love in Putin's bed" thing like I have been for the past 2 hours.**

**And lastly, a little something to know about being with someone with depression or any other mental illness; falling in love doesn't fix your problems. A lot of people seem to learn this the hard way. I've had bad experiences with this sort of thing. And I don't mean you have to depend on yourself 100%, if you can't handle your demons, get professional help, talk to a family member, friend, lover. Just depending on someone else completely isn't a bright idea, and Francis wants both Matthew and Ivan to avoid this situation.  
><strong>

**I think that's all of it. Have a good night everyone, I hope this installment was satisfying. I love you all! Mwah!**


	5. Chapter 5

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

_Ivan's worries were as distant as his friendship with Toris that year. Toris has his friends, and Ivan had his. Maks's friends instantly took him in. They were much different from him, but soon he was meeting up with them after school and being invited out every weekend. His parents and sisters were happy he was going out; their concerns were fading._

_ When October came around, Ivan spent Halloween dressed head to his shoes in black with Maks and Mathias Køhler while wrapping a stranger's home with a whole bag of toilet paper. He lived over at Maks's house during Thanksgiving break and got down at least a pint of tequila a night._

* * *

><p>(10:04) From Ivan:<br>Nat wants to dance

(10:04) To Ivan:  
>Aww, dance with her<p>

(10:06) From Ivan:  
>Can't<p>

(10:07) To Ivan:  
>Come on Ivan, dance with your sister!<p>

(10:09) From Ivan:  
>She's 12 and dances much better<p>

(10:10) From Ivan:  
>I look like a goof dancing<p>

"Dude, Matthew," Alfred tapped on the kitchen table in the direction of his younger brother, who had his nose in his phone. "I've never seen you use that thing this much, what's up?" Matthew looked up from the message on his screen.

"Just talking to a friend, that's all," Matthew slightly glanced and grinned down at the screen.

(10:10) To Ivan:  
>I'm sure she doesn't think so<p>

"Oh that's nice," Alfred smiled at him. "Doing anything today?"

"Nope," Matthew set his phone down. "Why?"

"I'm supposed to meet up with some friends today and show the new guy around," Alfred scratched the back of his head. "His name is Kiku, he's not too bad. I didn't think you'd be left home alone, so if you want to come…" Matthew's face promptly lit up.

"Oh, of course!" Matthew answered. "When?"

"I told Kiku I'll be picking him up a little before noon, so get ready."

"Okay!" Matthew looked back down at his phone.

(10:11) From Ivan:  
>She does. She just told me herself.<p>

(10:12) To Ivan:  
>That's funny, thought you would learn a thing or two from all the dancing shows you watch<p>

(10:15) From Ivan:  
>You can watch someone draw for hours and not pick up any skill.<p>

(10:16) To Ivan:  
>That's true.<p>

* * *

><p><em>He attended eight parties during December; half being hosted by someone he's never spoken to. The parties were filled with many older students, so Ivan was a complete foreigner. He would see some again, and eventually become friends and be invited to even more events. He woke up half naked with his shirt around his neck and his pants nowhere to be found the morning of Christmas Eve, about a mile away from where he was the night before. He stole a wooden chair from one house during New Year's, which ended up sitting in Maks's garage until they sooner or later threw it out.<em>

* * *

><p>Alfred was a terrible driver; Matthew wouldn't be surprised if, based on Kiku's reaction, he wasn't warned beforehand. Poor Kiku Honda didn't talk as much as telling both of them hello for the whole ride whereas Alfred chatted away while swerving and causing both Kiku and Matthew to panic for what felt like an hour on the road. When they finally reached a parking space at the plaza, Kiku crawled out of the car and sat on the curb for a good minute.<p>

Matthew kneeled down in front of him. "I'm really sorry,"

Kiku beamed up at Matthew. "It's fine, I just hope we aren't driving back in the dark." Matthew patted his shoulder.

"Come on guys, we're late!" Alfred interrupted.

"Not really," Kiku pulled up his jacket sleeve and looked at his watch. "We're pretty early,"

Alfred pointed towards the fountain. "But Ludwig and Feliciano are already here,"

"They're just really, really early then," Kiku got up and brushed his pants off.

"Alright, whatever, let's just go already,"

As the three approached the two at the fountain, Alfred let out a sound of disgust. "Hey!" Matthew winced from the intensity in his brother's voice. "You two are in public!"

"We were only holding hands, chill out," Ludwig barked back. He glanced over to Matthew. "Who is…?"

"Oh this is Matthew, my younger brother. He didn't want to stay home alone so I brought him." Matthew peeked out from behind his brother. Technically, he was invited, but he wasn't going to rain of Alfred's 'I did a good deed' parade. He was nice enough to ask him to come along.

"Hi," Matthew warmly greeted him.

"Hello Matthew!" Feliciano greeted him as Ludwig helped him up and hugged him. Matthew smiled; he's seen them both around school but never noticed that they were officially a couple.

"So where to first?" Alfred asked, making a gagging sound at the couple. Matthew frowned, wishing his brother would have some decency.

"Wait," Kiku said, everyone else looked at him, confused.

"Wait on what?" Feliciano asked.

"Hey Arthur, over here," Kiku called, Matthew looked up to see his oldest brother walking towards them.

"Shit, Kiku, you invited Arthur? Why? How?!" Alfred grabbed Kiku's shoulders and shook him.

"I have art with him," Kiku explained. "He let me borrow a pencil, so I invited him."

"Shit shit shit shit," Alfred grumbled.

"Alfred, what's the big deal?" Matthew asked, grabbing his brother's arm.

"Hello Kiku, friends, Matthew, Alfred, I didn't know you were going to be here," Arthur noted.

"I didn't know you were going to be here either," Alfred responded.

"He invited me, we have art together,"

"Yeah," Alfred said, rolling his eyes.

"Let's go check out Main Street first," Feliciano interrupted.

"I was going to suggest that," Matthew replied.

"Awesome! Let's go!" Everyone followed after Feliciano headed towards the front gate of Main Street. Matthew took out his phone, which had been vibrating in his pocket for the past several minutes.

(11:34) From Ivan:  
>Sorry, forgot to reply. With Francis.<p>

(11:37) From Ivan:  
>He keeps singing. Where is the off button<p>

(11:42) From Ivan:  
>We just drove past Antonio and Lovino. Francis honked. A lot.<p>

(11:43) From Ivan:  
>I think Lovino is still angry.<p>

* * *

><p><em>In January, he recalls making out with a stranger one night but he wouldn't be able to recall a name. Though, he does remember the night he got in a fight with a friend of Emil Bondevik's friend's cousin or something like that.<em>

_February, March, April and May were all about the same; drinking, picking fights, waking up with unfamiliar bruises and bite marks. There wasn't another night of sleeping with the closet light on that year._

* * *

><p>Matthew loved Main Street; in their average town, it provided a nice spot to hang out and shop at the many stores that filled up every space possible. During the summer months, it's completely crowded, but very quiet when fall and winter comes around. He's only been twice with Francis for shopping and several times with his family for dinner.<p>

He followed the group of loudly-chatting friends into an old antique store. When he spotted a basket of bows on a shelf, he instantly got an idea. He picked up a small, purple one and pined it on the middle of his head. Looking in the mirror, he laughed to himself before he took a quick picture.

(11:49) To Ivan:  
>(Picture attachment)<br>Who can be mad at this, though?

Matthew caught up to Arthur. "Hey, Arthur," his brother turned around and smiled at him.

"Nice bow," he frilled up Matthew's hair.

"All you need is a monocle and mustache!" Alfred laughed, causing the two to turn their attention to the others. Feliciano, wearing a tall top hat, responded to him by laughing. Arthur picked up a princess crown and put it on Alfred. Turning around to a mirror, he frowned. "I'm not a princess," he whined.

Matthew spotted a royal crown; he picked it up and showed it to Arthur. "Look what I found!" Arthur leaned down so Matthew can set it on his head.

"You all look so stupid," Ludwig laughed. Feliciano snuck up from behind and put a fluffy pink winter hat on him.

"And now you do, too," Feliciano giggled, hugging his boyfriend.

"Hey guys, look over there," Kiku called and pointed. Everyone looked towards where Kiku's finger was pointing when a man took a picture of them. "Thank you," the man nodded and handed the camera to Kiku.

"Woah, woah," Alfred exclaimed. "Please warn us better next time!"

"What does the picture look like, anyway?" Matthew asked. Kiku looked down at the camera and opened up the file. On the left side, there was Feliciano smiling, holding onto Ludwig, who had a confused look on his face. Next to them was Kiku, posing for the picture. On the other side were Arthur and Alfred with shocked expression, not expecting the picture, and Matthew smiling and halfway hidden behind Arthur.

"Not too bad," Feliciano chirped.

"I like it," Matthew uttered.

"I look ridiculous," Arthur sighed. Kiku put the camera down.

"I meant to warn you guys, but I forgot,"

"It's okay," Ludwig replied, taking off the hat. "Let's take some more." Playing around with more hats, masks and scarves, they took more pictures. The shop owner stopped them after about 10 minutes of playing around and asked them to leave. The group stood outside the shop subsequently.

"You know, this reminds me of the time when Lovino got us blacklisted from a supermarket before," Feliciano exclaimed. "He attacked someone for taking the last frozen lasagna."

"Alfred once got us kicked out of shop on the boardwalk," Arthur laughed.

"That was a long time ago!" Alfred complained.

"That was last month," Matthew giggled, Alfred covered up the boy's mouth.

"Shh." After Alfred's hand withdrew, Matthew suddenly remembered he hadn't checked his phone in a while.

(11:52) From Ivan:  
>(Picture attachment)<br>We can't.

Matthew downloaded the picture and opened it; it was a picture of Francis and Ivan, smiling kindly at the camera. Saving it, Matthew typed out a quick reply.

(12:16) To Ivan:  
>:)<p>

* * *

><p><em>High School came very, very fast. On the first day of his freshmen year, Ivan said goodbye to his friends and left to find his first class. He searched through numerous halls, looking up and back down at the confusing map of the building.<em>

"_Hey! Hey!" Ivan turned his head as a stranger approached him. "I need map, please?" He looked bewildered at the other as he spoke very loudly. He looked older than him, but he was much shorter. He had long brown hair that was tied back and handsome brown eyes._

"_Oh, sure," Ivan forced a frown. Way to be even later, he thought. The man snatched the paper and looked at it, turning it clockwise and back, squinting his dark eyes at it._

"_Room 204?" he questioned, pointing at a square._

"_I can't help you, I'm lost, too." Ivan responded, taking back the map. The other bounced in place, impatiently. "But I think I passed it,"_

"_Ass!"_

* * *

><p>Matthew instantaneously dashed over to the lollipops after being led into a candy store afterwards. He grabbed a plastic bag and began stuffing it with one of every flavor. <em>Can I afford this?<em> Matthew thought and stopped before he glanced at his bag of colorful candies_. I could probably ask Arthur or Alfred to lend me some cash if I can't_. He picked up a large yellow swirled lollipop and gave it a good look. _So perfect_, he thought. He almost didn't notice the sudden pressure on his foot until his cheek brushed up against some fabric.

"Ah, ouch!" he groaned as the man next to him quickly moved his foot off of Matthew's.

"I'm so sorry, sir, I-" he stopped as Matthew looked up at him. "Matthew?"

"Ivan?" Ivan smiled at him. "What are you doing here? I thought you were with Francis." Francis appeared out from behind Ivan and waved.

"What happened to the bow, Matthew? It was cute." Francis asked.

"I put it back."

"Is your foot okay?" Ivan questioned, sounding concerned.

"Yeah, it's fine."

"I'll carry you around if it isn't," Francis joked.

"That won't be necessary," Matthew laughed. "I'm okay."

"I can at least buy your candy for you," Ivan offered.

"Why?"

"I stepped on your foot…"

"You don't have to," the voices sounding behind him told him everyone was already checking out.

"Oh, your brother is here," Francis pointed out, looking over at the crowd.

"Both of them are," Francis and Ivan stayed with Matthew as went to his brothers. "Hey guys, look what I found!" He told Arthur and Alfred, holding up his large lollipop.

Arthur and Alfred took one look at Matthew, then Francis, then back at Matthew, once at Ivan and onto Francis again, almost in synchronized motions.

"We came in here for candy, not that!" Arthur pointed to Francis.

"Woah woah," Francis put his hands up defensively. "Ivan isn't that bad,"

"Da, I even offered to pay for Matvey's candy after stepping on his foot," Ivan added, Matthew beamed shyly.

"Psst, whatever," he grumbled at Francis.

"I found a lemon lollipop," Matthew interrupted, holding up a large, yellow lollipop. Feliciano looked closely at it. He was used to Arthur's aggressive attitude towards Francis, but he still wasn't pleased about it.

"That looks pretty!" Arthur told him, losing the angry tone of his voice and looking closely at it.

"Who are those guys?" Kiku asked, turning heads.

"Oh, I'm Francis Bonnefoy." Francis smiled.

"I'm Ivan, nice to meet you," Ivan replied.

"I'm Kiku," he greeted.

"Oh you must be new, there's this amazing restaurant you must try!" Francis exclaimed. "Here, let me pay for your stuff, too!" He took the lollipop out of Matthew's hands and put his arm around Kiku.

After paying, they left the candy store. Francis was going on and on about the restaurants and food to Kiku while they walked when he lifted up the camera he was holding and snapped a picture of him.

"Woah," he looked stunned for a minute, Ivan looked at the camera from over his shoulder. "Let me see that," Kiku handed him the camera. He gave it a good look.

"Very nice," Francis started taking pictures of Kiku, then of himself and Ivan, who gave the camera curious looks. Matthew joined them for a few shots.

"Hey, hey," Alfred calls, posing on the fountain. "Take a picture of me like this!" Francis laughed and took a few shots. Ivan ran over and posed like he was about to push Alfred in. Frowning, Alfred sprinted up behind him and did the same; only he looked like he was sincerely trying to push Ivan into the fountain.

After a few shots, Francis began teasing Feliciano and Ludwig about getting pictures of them. While Ludwig seemed shy, Feliciano played along. Matthew smiled at the couple.

"You two are so cute," Matthew told them when Feliciano gave his boyfriend another kiss.

"And kinda gross," Alfred complained. "Yuck!"

"Oh shut up, haven't you ever been in love?" Francis teased at him, making a kissy face. Alfred made a face at him.

"Oh, quiet," Arthur interfered. "You're so annoying,"

"Arthur, Arthur," Francis put his arm around him, grinning widely. "Why don't you just make me?" Everyone went silent, except Ivan, who silently muttered "Oohhh…" Alfred walked over and hit Francis in the arm. Francis barely flinched at the hit, laughing a little bit.

"Or I can," Alfred said, frustrated. Francis let go of Arthur and planted a kiss on Alfred's forehead. Alfred's face flushed and instantly went silent.

"Okay, who's hungry?" Francis asked, walking away from Alfred and approaching Matthew and Ivan.

"Oh, I am," Matthew replied. Francis patted his friend's head gently. After gathering the rest of the group, they headed over to the restaurant.

* * *

><p><em>At lunch, Ivan sat down by Maks and Lukas.<em>

"_I was so lost this morning, I ended up like, fifteen minutes late for English," Ivan told them._

"_Did nobody mention it was in a separate building?" Maks asked._

"_Nope," he responded. "And the only person that was available to ask was lost, too, and he didn't speak English well."_

"_Oh, Yao Wang?" Lukas looked up from his tray._

"_Is that his name?" Mathias sat down in front of the three._

"_Who are we talking about?" Mathias cut in._

"_Yao Wang, you know, that guy that's been here for a year now and still doesn't speak English?"_

"_Oh him, well he speaks enough, he'll be here for one last year before going back to China."_

"_Foreign-exchange student?" Ivan questioned._

"_Yeah," Lukas answered. Ivan thought about earlier that day, when he took Yao to find the room. The guy attempted to speak to him, but nothing went through correctly. When they did find the room a few minutes later, Yao had jumped and twirled into the room. He's pretty interesting, Ivan thought to himself._

* * *

><p>"Ivan, you know Arthur's staring right at us?" Matthew took a couple of more glimpses towards the direction of his brothers and back to Ivan. The other was sitting close enough for their arms to be touching. The breeze from the lake and the cold, fall air sent chills through Matthew.<p>

The day was packed with shopping, karaoke, building sand castles, and even a museum trip. Alfred just had to bring up the idea of going out onto the lake. Matthew yawned and wiped his sleepy eyes. He was ready to go home and rest.

Matthew, Francis, and Ivan all shared a boat. While Francis sat by himself, Ivan and Matthew sat by each other and chatted. Arthur and Alfred sat on a separate boat, though that didn't stop Arthur from keeping an eye on his brother.

"I wasn't going to do anything," Ivan replied.

"There you see her…" Francis sung as he watched them from the other side of the boat. "Sitting there across the way!"

"Oh Francis, no," Matthew covered his face with his hands.

"I was just reminded of that little mermaid scene, come on now!" Francis laughed. "She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her!" He continued to sing.

Ivan leaned over to Matthew. "And you don't know why, but you're dying to try"

"Oh no, not you, too!" Matthew responded, not looking up from his hands.

"You wanna kiss the girl!" Ivan and Francis both sang on the top of their lungs.

"No!"

"Hey Matthew," Francis stepped over to them.

"What is it? Another song?" Matthew asked, sarcastically.

"No, I wanted to ask you if you knew something."

"What's this something?"

"It's a secret."

"Really? I probably don't."

"Of course not, you would have already taken action if you did."

Matthew put his hands down. "Huh?"

"There's something about Ivan that you should know."

"There… Is?" Both Ivan and Matthew asked.

"Yeah," Francis grabbed Ivan's shirt before he can get away. "He's ticklish!" Francis began tickling him. Ivan laughed vocally and tried pushing him away. Matthew joined in, happy that he was no longer the only ticklish person around.

"Hey! Hey!" Arthur yelled. Matthew looked at him as he began yelling at them. Neither of them knew what he was saying.

"What about his broth?" Francis asked, squinting at Matthew's brother.

"I thought he said pot head," Ivan whispered.

"Hush! I can't hear him," Alfred stood up and grabbed him. They both fell backwards back into the boat. "Oh, maybe it wasn't important."

After docking the boat, the three made their way back onto the land. Arthur got off his boat and grabbed onto Matthew's arm.

"French nonsense," Arthur scoffed under his breath.

"What?" Matthew questioned.

"Nothing," Matthew turned around and waved goodbye at Ivan and Francis. Alfred approached them. "Matthew, are you ready to leave?" he asked.

"I guess," Alfred took his arm from Arthur and walked to their bags.

"You know, you could invite that one over if you like," Matthew looked up from his bag of candy to his grinning brother.

"Huh?"

"Kiku's staying the night so I thought you might want Ivan over," he told him. "If you want," Matthew was both confused and happy Alfred mentioned that idea. "We can run by his house to pick up his stuff if we have to,"

Matthew didn't stop and question why he offered. "Okay, I'll go ask." He scampered over to Ivan, who was kneeled down in front of things with his phone in his hand.

"Hey Matthew," he looked up and greeted him.

"Hey Ivan," Matthew chirped. "Are you interested in coming over?"

Ivan looked up at him, giving him probably the same happy but confused look that Matthew had given to Alfred. "Can I?"

"Yeah, we can go by your house and get clothes if you need to,"

"Okay, sounds great, let me go tell Francis he doesn't need to bring me home then," Ivan sprang up and hugged Matthew quickly before running off to Francis. As he watched Ivan leave, he couldn't help but wonder why Alfred had offered. He had always been a good brother, most of the time at least, but Matthew knew he might be up to something. He let go of the thoughts when Ivan came back over to him.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Ready," Ivan replied.

"I'm not so sure if you are," Matthew smiled. "Alfred's a bad driver."

* * *

><p><em>Every morning, Ivan would see Yao wondering the hallways or through the library. He had gym class with him, but he spent most of his time talking to Leon and Emil. Ivan found him more fascinating than he initially thought, and somewhat infatuating.<em>

_It took a week for Yao Wang to be the only thing on his mind._

* * *

><p><strong>Punch me in the arm, please. I really wanted to have this up earlier but I hated this chapter. I hated writing this chapter for <em>Sweet, Sweet Feliciano<em>, too. But hey, it's over now. Will be back with the romance and angst very soon, I _promise_.**

**Have a good day, friends!**


	6. Chapter 6

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

* * *

><p><em> "Hey Maks, can I tell you a secret?" Ivan and Maks were alone sitting on Mathias's couch at 3:25 a.m. one Sunday morning after Mathias, Lukas, and Nathan had all fallen asleep in another room.<em>

_ "Sure, Ivan," Maks responded._

_ "I might…" Ivan stopped there. "I mean I…" He felt himself choke._

_ "What?" Maks asked, confused._

_ Ivan looked away from him. "I might have a crush on Yao Wang," Maks didn't say much after replying with "Oh," before he awkwardly excused himself from the couch._

* * *

><p>The whole ride to Matthew and Alfred's home after Ivan picked up his things was quiet. Alfred had the radio playing on low volume, Kiku was messing with his phone and camera, Ivan and Matthew began to doze off in the back.<p>

Once they arrived, Matthew helped Ivan carry his bags to his bedroom. He quickly remembered how dirty his room was. There were clothes all over the floor left from when he changed clothes for and after school during the week and numerous game cases, controllers, pillows, bears and books scattered everywhere. He didn't think to clean it up, nor did he expect to have someone over. "Heh, sorry Ivan, my room is a mess," he uttered.

"It's fine," Ivan said, cheerfully. "I'll help you clean up, if you like."

"No thanks," Matthew set his things down in an empty spot near his closet. "You can change clothes, I'll clean."

"No, you guys are going to play Mario Kart with Kiku and me," Alfred's voice came from the doorway of Matthew's room. Matthew sighed and looked over at his brother.

"Is that why you wanted me to bring Ivan here?"

"Don't look at it that way, I was going to invite you to play games with us but it's better when you have a partner." Alfred scoffed. "And Arthur is too cool to play with us or something."

"I heard that!" Yelled Arthur's muffled voice from across the house. "It's your fault for being such a sore loser when I do play and beat you!"

"Listen here you shit!" Alfred yelled back.

"Boys!" Their mother interrupted from a different direction of the house. "I'm trying to sleep, quiet down!"

"Sorry mom," both brothers apologized.

"Can I get changed first?" Ivan asked.

"Yeah, sure," Alfred grinned at Matthew's direction.

"Fine," Matthew sighed. "We'll play."

* * *

><p><em> It was the same petty occurrence that transpires in middle school; everyone knew, including Yao, Ivan's secret. Most couldn't have cared less, others thought it was a little comical but moved onto their lives. Ivan didn't know everyone knew until days after it all went around, when he decided to approach Yao. They had just finished their warm-ups and he was sitting alone on the bench.<em>

_ "Hey Yao," Ivan sat down next to him. Yao winced and looked up at him._

_ "Hi," he simply said. He glanced back in front of him, looking tense._

_ "Are you okay?" He asked, noticing his jumpy behavior. Yao quickly nodded. "Are you sure?" He reached for Yao's arm._

_ With a shout of distress, Yao stood up. "Ivan Braginsky, I do not know how to deal with this!" He yelled. Ivan ignored the fact that now most of the others in the room had their eyes on them._

_ "What are you talking about?" He questioned, confused._

_ "I appreciate your feelings," Ivan's heart stopped. "But not mutual!" Ivan finally understood what he meant. He took a step closer to him but Yao backed away from him._

_ "Yao, how did you..?" Ivan choked out, embarrassed. Yao took a few more steps back. "Wait!"_

_ "I have to go," Yao had run off before he could respond. His attention went to everyone in the gym looking in his direction._

_ "Harsh," someone whispered loud enough for Ivan to hear._

_ "I was wondering if he was going to try talking to him," another had said._

_ "Stop staring, he looks like he's about to cry," it was true; Ivan ran to the bathroom, wiping away the tears. It wasn't like he expected Yao to return his feelings, but he wanted to tell Yao himself. Not someone else; nor did he want everyone else to know._

_ 'How did he know?' Ivan nearly lifted his hand up to slap himself for asking himself that. The only two people he had told were Maks and Katyusha, and there was no way Kat would have caused this._

_ (10:39) To Maks  
>I need to speak to you privately, meet me in the library during lunch.<em>

* * *

><p>Matthew really just wanted to go to bed when he got home, but he enjoyed sitting down with his brother, Kiku, and Ivan for a few rounds of Mario Kart. Arthur had come in after a couple of games and begged to play, too. Ivan ended up giving up with controller for a round. They continued to pass the controllers around so everyone had a turn.<p>

After Kiku fell asleep during a game, Arthur called it a night. Ivan was yawning and losing focus so Matthew called it quits.

"No, you should keep playing if you want," Matthew shook his head and helped Ivan up.

"I think I've had enough for tonight," he laughed weakly. Ivan patted his back and walked with him out of Alfred's room.

"Good night, Matthew!" Alfred whispered loudly, trying to not wake Kiku up as the two left.

"Night, Alfred!" He whispered back, waving his hand playfully at him.

"You too, Ivan, good night!"

Ivan tugged on his scarf, bashfully. "Night," Matthew closed Alfred's door. Arthur greeted them in the hallway.

"You two are going to bed?" He asked.

''Yeah, it's late," Matthew yawned.

"It is," He put an arm around Matthew's shoulders and pulled him into a hug. "I thought I should introduce myself in a better way to your friend,"

"Oh, right," Matthew smiled, hugging his brother. Arthur let go of Matthew and turned his attention to Ivan.

"My name is Arthur, I'm Matthew's brother."

"I'm Ivan, Matthew's friend. Nice to meet you," Ivan pulled his best smile, though the way he rubbed his arm showed he was anxious.

"Nice to meet you, too. Glad to see Matthew's friends with someone that's not so annoying,"

"Arthur!" Matthew whined. "You know Francis is my best friend, stop talking bad about him!"

"I was talking about Alfred," He hugged Matthew again.

"Al's our brother!" Matthew tried shoving Arthur away.

"He wasn't always,"

"You too!"

"Okay, okay. You have a point there." Arthur shrugged. "I'm going to bed now,"

"Night, Arthur," Matthew gave Arthur another hug.

"Night Matthew," He pinched Matthew's cheek. "Behave yourself,"

"I always do,"

When Ivan and Matthew got to his room across the hall, Ivan jumped onto Matthew's bed. "Your brothers are really nice,"

"Yeah, that's how it is at first," Matthew laughed, picking up some clothes off the floor. _Are these clean or dirty? _He asked himself. He made sure Ivan wasn't looking when he sniffed them, just to make sure. _They could go for another wear._ "We aren't as much as a functional family, even though we might look that way,"

"How so?"

"Alfred and I have a lot of fights and stuff." Matthew threw his clothes onto his desk chair and sat at the foot of the bed. "There's also some of that 'mom and dad like you the most' and 'stop being such a cry baby' going on usually."

"Functional families don't exist," Ivan told him. "Just a gross concept made up to make everyone feel bad,"

"Do you not get along with your sisters?"

"We get along for the most part, but we do have petty arguments," Ivan stretched out across the bed. "And sometimes really bad ones," Ivan's expression changed, quickly but subtly. He no longer had the shy, innocent look or a bashful and joyful smile; his new expression matched his matured, European look Matthew would compare to someone in a wartime picture. Matthew stopped himself from asking to elaborate.

"It's okay, Matthew," he looked at him, pulling a calm smile. "You can ask me questions if you like,"

Any question Matthew wanted to ask left him. His mind went back to when he had met Ivan and his sisters. He remembered how Kat teared up a little while she thanked Francis, and how she had kissed her brother constantly before he left. He remembered how he said goodbye to Natalya before he left, too, and how sweetly she looked up to her brother.

But like his own family, he knew anything could happen behind closed doors.

His concentration wondered even more. It had all been a couple weeks ago, though it seemed like a distant memory. Matthew felt like his usual texting and late night calls with Ivan was the normal routine. His mind went back to then, where he had first seen him, and how he instantly admired his looks.

He never really pushed it out of his mind, and he couldn't help but admire Ivan's looks whenever they were together. Ivan was pretty; awake, sleeping, happy, embarrassed, and the darkened expression he witnessed just a minute ago was all so appealing to him. And how he kissed him after speaking to him for the first time…

Matthew's heart beat roughly.

When Ivan shifted around to sit up, Matthew was pulled gently from his thoughts. "Matthew, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Ivan," Matthew yawned and lay by his side. "I'm glad you're willing to answer any questions but I don't have any," That wasn't completely true; Matthew really wanted to know a lot of things. "You can ask me anything, if you like,"

"Okay," Ivan responded. "How long did it take you to adjust to a new life here?"

Matthew had to think for a moment. "I don't know, I just stuck with waking up every morning and not seeing my grandmother or visiting her in the hospital. I miss her, but being taken in by my new parents was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Plus I've known them, Art, Al and Francis since I was a kid."

"You never mentioned how,"

"Oh right, my grandma took care of Mrs. Kirkland when she was a kid, and they just stayed in contact with each other. She took me to meet Arthur when I was five, and that's when I met Francis, too."

"You've known him that long?"

"Yeah, every time I would come visit, him and Arthur would fight over me," Ivan started laughing quietly. "What?"

"I'm imagining all three of you as kids,"

"I have pictures, you know,"

"Really?" Ivan smiled. "I want to see,"

Matthew got up and searched his closet for the album. After finding it, he sat down by Ivan. They adjusted the pillows so they could lie down and look at the pictures when something had caught Ivan's eyes.

"Who's this?" He asked, picking up the large white bear from Matthew's pile of pillows.

"Kumajirou," Matthew set the album on his lap and pinched the bear's ear. "I got him from Francis for my 7th birthday. He's my favorite." Ivan pressed close to the stuffed bear and kissed its muzzle. "Are you kissing my bear?" Matthew asked, smiling.

"I can't help it," Ivan hugged onto it. "He's so cute," Matthew would usually take Kumajirou back if someone were to hold him. The bear was special to him, but he couldn't help but adore the sight of Ivan cuddling him.

He picked the photo album back up and opened to the first page. "That's me as a baby,"

"Aww," Ivan whispered.

"And those are my real parents," Matthew pointed to a photo. "Other than this photo, I haven't seen them,"

"Is that your grandma?" Ivan pointed to a photo of an older woman.

"That's her,"

"Tell me about her,"

Matthew sighed and smiled warmly. "Caring, and understanding. She never met a stranger," He turned the page, revealing more pictures of her and him as a child. "She didn't hesitate to take me in, but I wish she would have told me more about my parents,"

"You don't know anything about them?"

"No," Matthew turned the page again. "Sometimes I doubt their existence." He pointed to another picture. "Here's me, Arthur and Francis," Ivan laughed.

"Francis looks the same as he does now,"

"He was a little chubbier as a child,"

"Hmm… You're right. He did,"

"So was I, look." Matthew pointed his finger to a picture of himself. "I was probably seven in this picture." He moved it over to one of him and Francis. "I think that was the summer we went to the lake,"

"Francis has a black eye in that one," The two fell silent. Matthew's mind immediately filled with the memories from the many summers he had spent with the Kirklands. Francis would be around almost all the time, despite how Arthur felt towards him, but Matthew had never gone over to Francis' house.

Those were the times where everything went over his little innocent head. Francis was too embarrassed to take him over there. He was very clumsy, Matthew had thought, always 'falling' or 'running into things'. He would always have at least one bruise every time Matthew saw him. He never questioned it, though he wished he did.

The summer of Matthew's 10th birthday, he visited once again to celebrate with Arthur's family. But Francis wasn't around that time. Arthur had refused to talk about it whenever Matthew asked. He resorted to asking Mrs. Kirkland where Francis had gone. She promised him an explanation after they had dinner.

After supper, Mrs. Kirkland went to Matthew's room and sat him down.

"Matthew, I want you to know Francis is in safe hands right now and you'll be able to see him soon," she had assured him. "I'll tell you what I told Arthur; not every parent treats their children the way they should. Francis has been going through a lot for years, and not even I knew what was going on." Matthew had started crying at this point. She got a tissue and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"Will Francis be okay?"

"He will be in time, just next time you see him, hug him tightly. Be there for him."

Matthew nodded. "I'll hug him every time I see him!"

And he did. Since the first time he saw Francis since his parents' arrest to every time he saw him afterwards; Francis was embraced.

"Matthew?" Ivan nudged him with Kumajirou's paw. "You zoned out again."

"Oh, I did," Matthew's voice was quieter.

"How much of all that did you experience?" He whispered.

"As any child, every sign flew over my head," Matthew responded. "My best friend's parents did unspeakable things to him and I never noticed."

"I'm sorry, Matthew, we can…" Matthew cut him off.

"No, I just…" Matthew ran his hand through his hair. "I was there through it all, and it's still hard to believe I was," He reached for Kumajirou's paw and pulled one of the few hair bands off the bear's arm. "I was there for when he was taken into his current family, I was there for most of his relapses, his recovery, and I'm still here now," He pulled his bangs up into the hair band. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

"How long did it take Francis to recover?" Ivan didn't take his gaze off of him. Matthew knew what he had meant by the question.

"Francis took a lot of time, but he kept at it," He answered. "No matter how hard it was."

Ivan closed his eyes. "Sorry I brought up a bad topic,"

"You wanted to talk about it, so it's not bad,"

"I guess you're right," Ivan shifted around and put Kumajirou in between them. "Thanks for showing me the pictures,"

"You can look through the rest,"

"Maybe another time, I'm tired." He responded. "Do you want Kuma back?"

"Yes but no, I think I can sleep without him tonight,"

"You have a bigger bear in your bed, anyway," Ivan snickered, wearily. "My sisters always tell me I'm a bear,"

Matthew set the album on top of his messy side table. "That's okay, I like bears," He got up to turn out the light.

"Ты мне нравишься." Ivan whispered.

"Hm?" The sudden Russian surprised Matthew.

"Nothing, I meant thank you."

"Thanks for what?"

"Everything,"

Matthew smiled. "No problem, need anything?"

"No, I'm fine,"

"Okay," Matthew turned out the light and hopped onto the bed. "Good night, Ivan,"

"Good night, Matthew," Matthew got himself comfortable under the covers. He turned his back to Ivan and hugged onto his pillow. He felt weird without Kumajirou to hold on to.

"Ivan," he whispered.

"Hm?"

"Can you say good night in Russian?"

"Hm… спокойной ночи," he replied. "Why?"

"I like the sound of it," Matthew admitted.

"Want me to speak more?"

"Sure,"

"Ты обаятельна," he responded, softly. "У вас красивые глаза. У вас красивые волосы. У вас хороший голос... Ты мне нравишься, но я боюсь."

"What are you saying?"

"Stuff about you,"

"Like what?"

"Nice things,"

"Like what?"

"Things about you,"

"… You're not going to tell me, are you?" He felt Ivan move closer to him.

"нет," Kumajirou was placed in front of him. "спокойной ночи, Матвей," Ivan embraced Matthew around his waist and rested his head on his back. As Ivan dozed off peacefully, Matthew moved closer in his arms.

* * *

><p><em>Ivan was waiting impatiently in the library when the bell for lunch rang. Eventually, he saw Maks enter and make his way over to him.<em>

_ "What do you need to talk about?" He had an honest, confused expression. Ivan didn't believe it to be sincere._

_ "Let's go outside so I don't disturb anyone here," Ivan got up and tugged on his arm._

_ "What? Are you mad?" he asked._

_ "Yes," When they got outside, Ivan told him to sit with him on the bench near the parking lot._

_ "I spoke to Yao today, you know, that guy I have a secret crush on?" Maks nodded. "Well, not so secret anymore. He knows, and so does everyone else." Ivan crossed his arms. "I trusted you, God damn it."_

_ "I didn't tell anyone!"_

_ "I didn't tell anyone but you and Katyusha, so I know it was you,"_

_ "Are you sure Mathias wasn't awake when you were talking about it?"_

_ "Mathias was snoring loudly when I told you, Lukas and Nathan have better things to do than something like that, so fess up." Ivan's voice got harsher. "I just want to know why you did it,"_

_ "Because Ivan," Maks hadn't pulled that type of aggressive tone towards him in the longest time. "I didn't know how else to go about things,"_

_ "What? You lost me," Ivan glared at him._

_ "I like you, Ivan," Maks looked at his feet._

_ "I'm even more lost,"_

_ "Why do you think I purposely made you mess up your chances with Yao?" Ivan suddenly understood what he meant. Maks likes him? Since when?_

_ "Maks, I-" Ivan started. He looked at him._

_ "I'm sorry I told Yao, I was scared of losing you,"_

_ "You were?"_

_ "And Yao told everyone else, it wasn't my fault," Ivan's mind was everywhere._

_ "Why didn't you tell me?"_

_ "I was too scared to,"_

_ "Wow," Ivan placed his hand on his forehead. "What the hell is going on?"_

_ "I like you, Ivan, didn't I tell you?" Maks didn't take his eyes off of him._

_ "I... I…" Maks reached for his arm. Ivan nearly moved away, but he remembered how Yao had backed away from him. He liked Yao, and he hurt him._

_ "I'm scared of losing you," Ivan had never seen Maks cry, even when they were children. Maks had done so much to him then; bullied him, threatened him, made him scared to go outside sometimes. Maybe… Ivan thought. Maybe he needs help._

_ Maks moved his head to rest onto Ivan's chest. Ivan held him close._

_ "I like you, too, Maks,"_

* * *

><p><strong>Past and present things getting pretty intense, so hopefully I'll be more motivated to write. So here's more brotherly love, more IvanMatthew chemistry, a look into Francis and Matthew's past, and the last of Ivan's flashbacks until he finally tells Matthew what happened.**

**Disclaimers: I do not own the characters present in this story, or any works mentioned such as Mario Kart.**

**I also do not accept or romanticize (if not made clear already) toxic relationships such as the one presented by Ivan and Maks. Maks was an abuser, and still is one to Ivan, though he may not hit him or torment him as often as he did. For instance, Ivan came to him with a problem, and he turned it around and made Ivan feel bad for him.**

**Translations:**

**Ты мне нравишься = I like you  
><strong>

**спокойной ночи = Good night  
><strong>

**Ты обаятельна = You're charming  
><strong>

**У вас красивые глаза. У вас красивые волосы. У вас хороший голос... = You have beautiful eyes. You have beautiful hair. You have a good voice. (Basically Ivan's naming off things he admires about Matthew)  
><strong>

****Ты мне нравишься**, но я боюсь = I like you, but I'm scared.  
><strong>

**нет = No  
><strong>

**спокойной ночи, Матвей = Good night, Matthew  
><strong>


	7. Chapter 7

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

The week after Ivan slept over lasted forever for Matthew. He lived his normal routine; waking up, going to school, helping dad cook, playing games with Alfred, Arthur helped him with homework and so on. He continued to text Ivan throughout the day and he even video chatted with him one night. Everything was casual between them, though Matthew had a lot on his mind about their relationship.

He liked Ivan Braginsky, and he knew that for sure. He had the normal, very lovely, symptoms of having a crush. Ivan's smile, voice, face, and smell was on his mind a lot, he began to get jittery when he called or sent him a text, and he dreamed about him. The dreams usually consisted of hugging, cuddling and very sometimes, a kiss or two. Better yet, he felt comfortable talking to and being around Ivan. He was never able to approach a crush without being scared before.

The only problem was he didn't know if Ivan was ready. He still hadn't told him or left a hint of that certain part of his past, other than how he hadn't relapsed in three months. Matthew didn't think it was vital information concerning if he wanted to date Ivan or not, but more of if they had known each other well enough to start off a relationship.

But didn't people take things slow in the beginning anyway? Matthew knew this, he wasn't new to dating. That doesn't mean Ivan would rather him get to know his past before taking that step. After thinking about it over the week, he decided he needed to talk to someone about it.

Francis was the obvious choice; he had already meddled in their business a little before. He has been friends with Ivan for a long time, too. There wasn't exactly anyone else he could ask. His brothers, though he always came to them with problems, were out of the question anyway. They had noticed the way he would 'skip through the hallways and rooms like a happy dog in tall grass' but he decided to keep it at 'I'm in a good mood' rather than 'I have the hots for the Russian cutie that was over last weekend.' He didn't need them snooping, too.

Lucky for him, Francis had already agreed to hang out that Friday a week prior. After school ended, Matthew walked with Francis to his car. The look on Francis' face while they made small talk about their week said it all. He knew Matthew had to talk about with him. He waited until the doors were shut and the car was turned on.

"So, how are you and Ivan coming along?" he asked, completely cutting off from his explanation of the debate he had with his government teacher.

"How did you know I needed to talk to you about Ivan?" Matthew questioned.

"It's all about body language, Mathieu, and you're so obvious with your dazing and blushing." Matthew bit his lip. "Everything is going well, no?"

"Of course," Matthew answered. "I've actually been thinking about asking him out." Francis stopped the car suddenly before he pulled out of the school's parking lot, nearly sending Matthew out the window if it weren't for his seatbelt.

"You are?!" Francis smiled, looking like he was about to cry.

"Yes," Matthew breathed. "Don't do that, someone could have hit you from behind," the car behind them honked. "Like them!"

"But Matthew," Francis pulled out of the parking lot swiftly. "I couldn't help it. Last time you tried asking someone out, you begged me to help you. You don't even look nervous talking about it!"

"Well, I'm comfortable around Ivan," Matthew replied. "Though I don't know if I should ask him just yet,"

"Because he hasn't told you?"

"Bingo. It's just that if he's not so ready to tell me, I don't think he would say yes to a relationship,"

"He's comfortable with telling you, he's just waiting for an appropriate time. And I would wait awhile after when he tells you, too, just so you get used to knowing his weak points and triggers. You wouldn't change your mind even if it's that bad, would you?"

"Of course not!" Matthew frowned at him. "I wouldn't think of leading him on in the first place, knowing he didn't have a peachy past, just to reject him in the end,"

"Good," Francis touched his shoulder and shook him. "You should know that he probably is afraid that that might happen, no matter how well he knows you."

"Did he assume you were going to think differently of him after he told you?"

"Yes, and I knew him for much longer than you. Anyone with a past feels that way, even me. You just need to be gentle when he comes out and tells you. I held his hand while he told me, and I asked first. I made sure my expression stayed content or concerned, it's a long story and you might get angry towards some of the things said or done by the people involved, just don't express it."

"And consider his feelings towards the subject rather than mine?"

"Unless he asks, yes,"

"And don't touch him unless he gives consent?"

"That applies to anytime,"

Matthew laughed. "True,"

"Just ask him if he needs anything, stay by his side unless he asks for time alone, he held onto me when it came to telling me, but you're not me. He could always want something different when it will come to you."

"Thanks Francis," Matthew fell into silence. "But since we're on the subject of this, when do you think he would tell me?"

"He told me he's been waiting for a good time so maybe soon,"

"Right,"

* * *

><p>The Tuesday after his talk with Francis, Ivan had called unexpectedly while Matthew was playing video games. Matthew paused his game, turned down the volume and answered his phone.<p>

"Hey Ivan,"

"Hello Matthew, did I call at a bad time?"

"No, you didn't. Do you need something?"

"Yeah, sorta. I didn't want to wait until night to ask. Do you want to come over this weekend? I wanted to ask last weekend but you told me you were busy with Francis so I didn't want to… Sorry I'm rambling."

"It's okay, Ivan," Matthew smiled warmly. "I'll get Arthur or Alfred to drive me,"

"Are you sure? My mom could probably pick you up,"

"I can't trouble your mother with doing something for me; I don't even know her yet. Arthur will bring me,"

"Okay, thanks Matthew."

"Don't thank me, silly, thank you for inviting me."

"You're welcome, Matthew," the two got quiet for a second, then laughed silently with each other.

"I'll see you then."

* * *

><p>(2:34) To Ivan:<br>Hey, Alfred's about to bring me over.

(2:41) To Ivan:  
>You there?<p>

"Matthew, put your phone down and help me with your bags," Alfred called from the hallway.

"There's only one,"

"The bear counts, too,"

Matthew sighed. "Okay," he put his phone in his pocket and took his backpack from Alfred. After they got situated in the car and Alfred pulled out of the driveway, Matthew peeked down at his phone again. Ivan still hadn't replied. _He must be taking a nap, or he's just busy,_ he thought.

"I thought it wasn't supposed to snow until next week!" Alfred complained. Matthew looked up from his phone. There were a few flakes falling from the sky.

"I'm sure it's an unexpected, short snowfall," Matthew told him. "You'll live,"

"I fucking hate the cold," He grumbled.

"It's not that bad, maybe we'll be able to stay home from school next week if it comes down fast enough. Then you wouldn't have to go outside and fight with it,"

"Right," he replied. "If it does get worse, I might have to come get you early tomorrow." Matthew made a sad face at him. "Or I could get mom to go get you instead," he added. Matthew smiled.

He pulled up into Ivan's driveway and unlocked the door. "Have fun, Mattie."

"I will," Matthew grabbed his bag and Kumajirou and pulled them out of the car. "Thanks for driving me,"

"Don't thank me, I'm your brother, it's what I'm supposed to do,"

"THANK YOU ALFRED I LOVE YOU!" Matthew yelled.

"Okay, okay!" Alfred laughed. "You're welcome, it wasn't a problem, and I love you, too. Now close the door and have fun, the cold is coming in,"

"Well actually the warm air is-"

"Close the damn door Mattie," Alfred gave him a scary grin. Matthew laughed and shut the door. He waved goodbye to his brother as he pulled out of the driveway. He made his way to the front door of the Braginsky's almost-castle-of-a-house and knocked.

Mrs. Braginsky answered the door. "Hello, you must be Matthew," she smiled nicely at him. She was a beautiful women; Matthew could tell Ivan got a lot of nice aspects from her. She shared the face shape with him and Katyusha, and her eyes matched Natalya's.

"I am," She let Matthew in. "It's very nice to meet you," He felt the leg of pants get tugged gently. He looked down to see Ivan's younger sister looking up at him.

"Hi Matthew," she greeted him.

"Hello Natalya, how are you?"

"I'm fine,"

"Honey, I think you should move your project to the table." Her mom told her.

"But I like it down here," she uttered. "It's comfortable."

"Very well," She turned back to Matthew. "Ivan's in his room down the hall. Do you need anything?"

"Oh no thanks,"

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yes,"

"We have hot chocolate,"

"That does sound nice, but maybe later, I'm sure Ivan's been waiting for me,"

"Of course," she smiled. "If you need anything, feel free to ask. We can run to the store if you need anything."

"I'm sure whatever you have here is good for me, thank you," Mrs. Braginsky leaned over and kissed his forehead. As he walked down the hall to Ivan's room, he wiped the lipstick stain off his forehead the best he could.

He gave the door a knock. No answer.

"Ivan?" He called.

"Matthew?" He heard Ivan's voice from the other side of the door, along with a few unidentifiable sounds.

"Can I come in?" Matthew asked. The pause after his question made him go from calm to completely worried. "Ivan, are you okay?"

"Yes, but I'm sorry Matthew, don't come in right now," Matthew hands began to quiver. "This was bad timing, I'm sorry. I'm fine, I swear. Just don't come in."

"Ivan," Matthew felt a panic attack come over him. Was he relapsing? "Are you sure you don't need me in there?"

"I'm sure, give me five minutes, and just don't say anything to my mom, please. The bathroom is on the other end of the hall, go there if you must,"

"Okay," Matthew felt someone walk up behind him. He froze when he realized it was Ivan's mom.

"Matthew," she whispered, still keeping a friendly tone. "I think Natalya needs help on her little project."

"I'll go help," Matthew backed away from the door. Mrs. Braginsky grabbed his arm. "Everything's fine, we'll talk about this later," she took a paper clip from her pocket, bent an edge out and picked the lock on Ivan's door in under a few seconds. Matthew turned and left the hall before she opened the door all the way.

* * *

><p>"That corner needs more stars," Natalya pointed out.<p>

"I think so, too," Matthew picked up the yellow marker and started drawing stars.

"Didn't you come here to hang out with my brother?" She asked.

"Yeah but art is important," Matthew didn't look up from the poster board.

"So is he," She muttered. She had stopped coloring and was now sitting up and focusing on Matthew. "Is he okay?"

Matthew didn't know for sure, even if Mrs. Braginsky and Ivan had assured him everything was alright, but he was going to take their word for it. "Yes, he is,"

"He hasn't relapsed in three months," Matthew stopped drawing. "I may be twelve but my family doesn't sugar coat Ivan's problems to me, so tell me the truth," Her voice was harsher and strict. Matthew hoped she would believe him.

Matthew looked up at her. "That's what your mom and Ivan told me, but I don't know for sure. I want to say he's going to be okay,"

Natalya nodded. "He's been getting better lately. He spends less time in his room, but I know he still haunts him."

"He?"

"You don't know, do you?"

"I don't," Matthew confessed. "Ivan hasn't been able to tell me,"

"My brother really likes you,"

"I know, I like him, too,"

"No," She shook her head. "He talks about you like you're the only thing that exists for him to talk about." Matthew swallowed hard, feeling the tips of his ears start to tingle. "I heard him tell Katyusha that he would never like someone again a couple years ago, and he didn't, not until you came along. So my brother likes you." She was staring worriedly at him now, Matthew didn't quite know how to reply to that.

If he were in her position and this was Arthur or Alfred involved, he would want to hear how someone would come along and help his brother in the most convincing way. But the perfect words of comfort are hard to come by and he can't promise her anything.

"I can't promise to fix your brother,"

"I know,"

"But as far as I'm concerned, I'm by your brother's side and staying there." Matthew was almost in tears, but he kept his voice quiet and soft. "Whatever _he_ did, whoever _he_ is, I'm going to see the day Ivan forgets his name,"

Natalya didn't reply; Matthew heard the door from a few rooms over creak open.


	8. Chapter 8

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

* * *

><p><strong>Please note there are many sensitive things mentioned in this chapter such as emotional and physical abuse, suicidal themes, and just a whole lot of negative content.<br>**

* * *

><p>Mrs. Braginsky paced back into the room without a sound. Matthew was relieved that she didn't look upset; if Ivan was in a bad condition, she probably wouldn't have looked content. She kneeled down beside Natalya.<p>

"Did he relapse?" She asked.

"Yes, but it wasn't a severe relapse. Though, he is shaken up about it." She looked at Matthew. "I'm sorry for the bad timing, Matthew,"

"You don't have to apologize; I understand how it is," he responded.

She nodded her head. "He wondered if you wanted to leave,"

"Only if he wants me to, but I don't want to leave," Matthew looked down at his hands.

"He'll really like that," she smiled slightly.

Matthew nodded. "I will." He took it as his cue to go to Ivan's room. He picked up his things up and headed to the hall. On the way to his room, he nervously tried thinking of what to say to him first. It probably wasn't the best idea to mention his relapse, but should he ask if he's okay? Ask if he needs anything? Matthew settled with a simple hi and smile.

Inside his room, Ivan sat at the edge of his bed with his back turned to the doorway. His hair was a mess but his scarf was tied neatly around his neck; his attention was towards the window. The snow had started falling heavier than before, Matthew noticed.

When he stepped into the doorway, Ivan became aware he was behind him. He turned his head slowly and glanced at Matthew with cold eyes that lacked his usual friendliness. Matthew felt it hit his heart; Ivan looked like he was ashamed.

He hurriedly set his bag down and took his shoes off. He climbed onto the bed and set Kumajirou aside as he sat by Ivan. He glanced at him for a second before looking back at the snow.

"I hate the snow," Ivan breathed out, almost effortlessly. The look on his face and the tone of his voice made Matthew feel like he was with someone completely different from the Ivan he knew.

But he was the same Ivan, all the way through, and he knew that.

"You do?" If Ivan wanted to talk about snow, then he'll talk about snow. Whatever floated Ivan's boat. "Why?"

"People like it when it's as light as it is now, but then it gets heavy and locks people in their houses. For days sometimes," Matthew tried making some sort of connection to his feelings with his words.

"But before it can get heavy, you can always grab a shovel," Matthew suggested. "Scoop away the snow before it closes you in,"

"What if it's too much for one person?"

"Find someone to help you,"

"What if nobody around wants to help?"

"Then they can go sit on a cactus." Ivan went silent; Matthew thought he might have upset him even more, before he saw he was covering his mouth. He was holding in a laugh. "Sorry," Matthew apologized anyway. At least he was smiling now, sincerely.

Ivan lay back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. "So if I have a foot of snow at my door and nobody around to help me, what do I do at that point?"

"I would help you," Matthew answered softly. He felt Ivan shift around some and his hand moving onto his. He happily held his hand, but he noticed something was a little different. He looked down; Ivan's knuckles were wrapped with medical bandages from the beginnings of his fingers to past his knuckles. Matthew's thumb gently stroked the fabric of the binding.

"I punched the wall," Ivan sighed. "The wall's okay, though," Matthew picked up his hand and looked closely at his knuckles.

"How about your hand, though?" _I'm more worried about your hand, silly._

"It bled for a minute, but it doesn't hurt…" Matthew brought his hand close to his face and briefly gazed it with his lips. He sensed Ivan shudder momentarily. He waited for Ivan to speak again, but instead he stayed silent. Matthew closed his eyes and pressed a quick kiss onto his pointer and middle finger before setting his hand down onto his lap, still in his. He glanced at Ivan, who appeared calmer and more content then just minutes ago.

"His name was Maksimillian Orell, we were neighbors." Matthew met Ivan's eyes and tried to recognize his state of being at that moment. He always thought he would be nervous about when Ivan would tell him, but now the time has come, and he couldn't say how he felt. Ivan looked completely content, with maybe a little bit of the sadness mixed in from before. "I never know how to start these things off," Ivan breathed. Matthew lay next to him, pulling his legs up so he wasn't hanging them off.

"Tell me the best way you can," Ivan nodded slightly.

"Maks and I were opposites most of our childhood together. He was cruel, I was gentle. He liked to play rough, I didn't. I didn't make other kids want to avoid me at all costs. If any, they enjoyed beating me up instead. Maks did, too, but we were best friends.

"I don't know when it started to get bad, but I guess it was a mess since the beginning. Maks would make me do things, or he would tell me to do things, and I would do them because I didn't want to be friendless. I was, usually, the one blamed of course. Sometimes I wonder if the kid was a figment of my imagination but there's plenty of proof against that. He was real, very real.

"At first, it was just childish harassment, I guess. That's taking it too lightly, because nobody would say damaging my relationship with my family would be anything near childlike. It went far very rapidly and it just kept getting worse, even on a good day for him. He would go from beating the shit out of me to buying a ton of books for me. It wasn't so pleasing, considering how scared I was to do something to make him torture me again. And he wore this awful grin that said "piss me off and I'll tear your limbs off" when he did nice things for me.

"So, 7th grade I think. A kid named Toris moved to our school. He approached me and we became friends, but Maks didn't like it, and he made sure I knew that." A sigh. "He would wait for me to walk by and confront me about plans with him around Toris. Toris never spoke about it himself, and he always looked uncomfortable when Maks was around. I don't know for sure but I think Maks probably pulled him aside and threatened his life if he did. I started to fight back some, which made things worse. Maks started following me, smiling all the time, and I spoke up about it, he made me feel like I was the one doing something wrong.

"I started to feel like he was following me, have nightmares where he would try choking me to death if I didn't do what he wanted. I stopped getting as much sleep, started getting panic attacks, and I began leaving my closet light on during the night. I started to fake sick to get away from him, my relationships with my family declined even more because I was closing myself off, and Toris ended up making new friends that weren't messy like I was. I was happy for him, actually.

"That summer, I spent most of my time locked in my room as usual. Maks visited me like once…" He trailed off. "That was the first time he held a gun to my head." Matthew's eyes nearly gasped. _First time?_

"He wanted me to steal cigarettes for him for some reason," Ivan sighed again. "And I was caught, but I got away with only being grounded by my parents. They were upset that I would do such a thing, and I would hear them talk about it every night before they confronted me,"

"But… You never told them?"

"Not then, I was afraid for my life." Matthew moved to hold Ivan's wrist in his hands. "I was so stressed out, that I started to drink. Not the best stress relief but it worked, I guess." Matthew sensed that he was shaking now, and he was avoiding eye contact.

He moved his hand up and touched Ivan's cheek. Ivan caught his eyes again and calmed down some. "It's okay," Matthew didn't know what he was assuring Ivan of, but there wasn't anything for him to be worried about other than his own thoughts.

"It is," Ivan pressed his face against Matthew's hand, and they both took a deep breath. "I just don't like remembering that I did regrettable things, because it only gets worse from there,"

Matthew nodded. "You can take a break when you need to,"

"I think I'll continue again,"

"Go ahead," he responded, stroking his thumb across Ivan's cheek soothingly.

"Alright, so I drank all summer mostly. I was stressing about having to go back to school, seeing Maks again… It was bad. But then school started up and suddenly, Maks and his friends accepted me." Matthew gave him a confused look over the plot twist, Ivan snickered. "Weird right? Endless days of worry and drinking just for a sudden change in heart. Yeah, the bullying stopped from there, Maks and I became best friends, and I also became friends with his other friends. And that year, I did even more regrettable things. Drinking, partying, vandalism, fighting… I became a second Maks, and I _liked_ it then." Remorse filled Ivan's eyes.

"First year of high school, first day, I met Yao Wang," Ivan sighed. "I liked Yao, a lot. I wasn't going through the whole "am I gay?" confusion because I thankfully got that done and over with years before or else it might have gone worse for me. So anyway, I liked Yao but Yao didn't like me back,"

"Aww," Matthew frowned.

"It's fine, Yao wasn't the biggest issue, honestly. I was too shy to really tell anyone but Maks and Kat. And well, after that suddenly everyone knew," Matthew frown got even bigger.

"He told everyone?"

"I didn't know until I approached Yao again, and well, he rejected me after I said hi to him. I got the hint that someone had told him and after everyone started paying attention to us, I knew they knew, too. It got to me more that Maks had told than Yao literally running away from me.

"Furious, I got alone with him and confronted him. And… Well…" Ivan sighed again, burying his face into Matthew's hand. "I shouldn't have… I just… He turned everything around and made me believe he told Yao in hopes of 'not losing me to him' and Yao told everyone else. I felt so bad that I told him I had feelings for him, too. I'm so _stupid_."

Matthew knew Ivan was about to cry, so he pulled him into an embrace. "Ivan, selflessness isn't stupid,"

"I regretted it," Ivan sobbed into his shoulder, his arms reaching up and holding Matthew around his waist.

"That was on his part," Matthew answered. They pulled back to where they were able to look at each other again, but still in the other's arms. Matthew gently rubbed Ivan's arm. "Your intentions were good… Though…"

"I shouldn't date someone out of pity?"

"Right," Ivan stared at Matthew a good while, he took a minute to realize that Ivan was probably thinking Matthew could be doing the same. "Ivan… No, absolutely not. I don't like you because I feel sorry for you. I like you because honestly, you're lovable with your flaws and…" Ivan laughed, Matthew nearly jumped from the sudden reaction.

"I wasn't thinking you were," Ivan took hold of Matthew's hand, their fingers intertwining. "I just… Wanted to hear you say you like me." Nothing could bring Matthew down from the uplifted mood he was suddenly put into.

"Ivan… I…" He laughed, too. "Don't scare me like that," _It was about time I say that to him, though._

"I like you, Matthew," He let go of Ivan's hand and wrapped his arms around Ivan's scarfed neck, hugging him tightly. Their checks pressed softly against each other. "No Yao Wang or any other guy can be a better, more understanding boyfriend than you are,"

"Nobody can compare to you, Ivan, not even close," _Boyfriend. _Ivan had given him the title, Matthew couldn't be happier about it. He was a little sad that he couldn't ask him out properly like he wanted, but here he was, in Ivan's arms. Sweet, wonderful Ivan. Ivan who filled Matthew's thoughts all the time, who he felt so fond of. Ivan, the pretty man with violet eyes and almost-snowy blond hair. They were together, and Matthew felt unlimited amounts of happiness and bliss. But there was something that needed to be taken care of; Ivan never finished the story.

"Do you want to continue or take a break?" He asked. Ivan thought for a second and sat up. Matthew remained laying down by him.

"I think a break would be nice," He responded. "I think mom and Nat would like to know I'm doing fine now."

"Yeah, but Ivan," He tugged on the hem of his sleeve. "Are we going to tell them?"

"That we're together?" Ivan questioned. "If you want to make an announcement. I'm sure they already consider us a couple, though."

"Okay, as long as they know. I don't want to seem like I'm keeping us a secret. Oh, I have to tell my parents then,"

"Want me to be there?"

"I'm sure I can handle it," Ivan leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"Let's go get something to drink and I'll tell you the rest," Matthew nodded and sat up. They walked hand-in-hand to the kitchen.

Mrs. Braginsky was sitting at the kitchen when they entered the room. "Feeling better, Ivan?" his mom asked.

"I am," Her eyes went from Ivan's face, to Matthew's, and down to their hands.

"I see," she stood up. "Can I get you boys anything?"

"Hot chocolate please,"

Ivan and Matthew sat down when Mrs. Braginsky brought them two mugs of hot chocolate. "I kept it warm for you guys, enjoy,"

"Thank you," Matthew took a sip. "It's delicious,"

"Thanks, Matthew. Again, you can treat yourself to as much as you like. I'll be making chicken parmesan for dinner tonight, if that's fine."

"That sounds wonderful, actually." Matthew smiled.

"You don't have to worry about him, he isn't a picky eater. Even if he was, your cooking wouldn't be an issue." Ivan added.

"Well, I'm glad. No pressure right?" Matthew shook his head. "Good, good, Ivan's not allowed to date picky eaters." Ivan nearly spit his hot chocolate out.

"Just kidding," she laughed loudly and pushed the stack of napkins towards her son. "Matthew, I wouldn't mind if you were the pickiest person on Earth or flawed any other way. I trust Ivan's judgment enough."

"Well, I'm happy I'm trusted." He glanced over at Ivan, who had a napkin over his mouth and a red face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he removed the napkin, smiling. "Are you finished?" Matthew took the last sip from his mug and set it down.

"I am now," Ivan nodded and picked up his mug, moving to the sink and washing them out. After he returned, he hugged Mrs. Braginsky.

"We'll be going back to my room,"

"That's fine, have fun," She responded, smiling.

Back in Ivan's room, they sat back down on the bed, facing away from the window. They didn't speak a word to each other after leaving the kitchen. Matthew was comfortable with the silence, though. Ivan lay down onto the pillows crowding near his headboard while holding onto Matthew's arm. Matthew sat on his stomach and fixed his messy hair up while they sat there in stillness.

He moved his hands down to his scarf and adjusted it for him. He held one end and stroked his thumb along the fabric.

"Do you wonder why I wear that thing all the time?" he asked, quietly.

"I did, but I kinda thought since it was cold outside and your sister gave it to you, you wore it because of that and maybe you just like scarfs."

"You don't find it odd that I wear it, even to sleep?"

Matthew shrugged. "I wear socks to sleep," he placed the scarf length over the back of his neck and settled down beside Ivan. "Is there another reason why you wear it?"

"Yes," Ivan's arm went around Matthew's waist and his other hand crept to his shoulder and up to his hair. "I was just wondering if you suspected something, it's fine if you did." Matthew nodded. "I'll continue my story then." They shifted around so they could comfortably look at each other. "So, Maks and I. It was only seemingly messy at the beginning of our relationship. He was subtly territorial and clingy all the time, just as he was in the beginning. He would get angry that I spent time with our friends without him, so I had to stop that. He started to not like me talking to them in front of him, too. All I could do was apologize to him, I can't break off my other friendships completely because he didn't like it. So, he broke them off himself, and one-by-one, Maks became the only person I spoke to yet again." Ivan let out the longest sigh, his face dropping to an unhappy expression.

"Matthew, I have to warn you, things get so much worse from this part to the part where I finish. Please bear with me; I really, really hate this part."

"It's okay, Ivan. I'm here for you, it doesn't matter how I'm going to feel about it,"

"No, this is about us now. I'm not going to force you to know certain details if you're uncomfortable. And I'll go into more detail with the things you want to know,"

"I want to know what you're comfortable with telling me,"

"I'll tell you as long as you're comfortable hearing it,"

"Deal," They smiled at each other briefly. Then Ivan continued.

"I forced myself to be happy with him because I thought he needed that. I tolerated his anger and frustration when I tried to communicate with him when he did something wrong, all because I thought I was actually in the wrong myself. It was bad when he did it before, but I started to hate myself even more when I started to believe I was doing something wrong." _Oh my God,_ Matthew felt sick. _He tolerated years of emotional abuse without even realizing it, even after the signs were crystal clear._

"I started to depend on him to feel good about myself. I was convinced he was the only person that will tell me, sometimes, that I was worth something. It hurt even more when he went back to guilting me.

"He would always tell me he was the only person who cared about me. And I believed him, and continued to believe him after he punched me for talking to a stranger nicely in public. After he cornered me, demanding I erase my old friends' numbers out of my phone. After he broke my arm when I didn't. And after he threatened to kill Natalya's cat if I didn't skip school with him one day.

"It's okay to wonder why I didn't break it off before it got too bad, even after developing self-esteem issues. I did, I tried, I wanted to end it. I didn't love him. I never did. I _hated_ him, when I was 10 up to today, I hate Maks, but Maks didn't hate me, I think. Maybe he did, but he didn't act like it." Ivan was in tears. "When he said he loved and needed me, he proved it by always being there, watching me, waiting for me, and worse of all, sometimes holding that damn gun up to his own head and sometimes at me."

The tears that Matthew had been trying to hold back couldn't be contained. He cried with Ivan, holding tightly onto his hand and hugging onto him. Ivan clung onto him back, pressing his face onto his chest. Ivan eventually stopped crying and his breathing slowed.

"You have every right to tell me to stop doing something, now and any point of our future." Matthew ran his fingers through his hair. "You have a voice, please use it. I promise I will never do anything to you on purpose but if I do something that makes you even a little uncomfortable, please… _Please_ tell me to stop." Matthew sobbed.

"It's okay, Matthew, really."

"No it's not, I-" Ivan had pressed his lips against Matthew's, shutting him up. He didn't pull back until Matthew relaxed under it, and when he did, Matthew had stopped crying. "I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be the one helping you right now,"

Ivan sat him up and hugged him gently. "It's fine, I appreciate your concerns but I'm not expecting you to make up for what he did to me. You're not perfect, nobody is, but I'll be happy with you, I know it," Matthew leaned in and kissed him lightly. The kiss was less stressful and calmer than the last, and they stayed kissing for a few seconds longer. When they pulled away, they stay close to one another.

"I'll try my best," Matthew whispered.

"I will, too," Ivan answered back quietly. "I have a few last things before I close off this story,"

"Go ahead,"

"First," Ivan took hold of his scarf. "Yes, I wear this scarf because Kat made it for me, and I cherish it and her, and I love scarfs. But–" He slowly undid it. "–there are two other reasons."

Slowly slipping off the scarf, Matthew saw what he felt like Ivan's whole story expressed physically. There were scars, going all different directions, some piled up closely to the others. "Maks made the first one." Ivan pointed to a largely scarred area. "He wrote his name here, but you can't see it anymore."

"Did you… Scratch it out?" Matthew was too overwhelmed to express any emotion in his voice other than surprise. Ivan's scars were heartbreaking.

"I did. I just couldn't leave his name scarred into my neck," Ivan ran his fingers across the scars. "So I scratched it out. That wasn't enough, because the bruises from him strangling me were still present at the time, so I scratched those out, too. I just wanted every sign of Maks gone."

Matthew reached up to touch his neck but stopped midway. "It's okay." He took hold of Matthew's wrists and brought his hands up to his neck. "The other reason is how vulnerable I feel having my neck showing, I feel like someone can easily hurt or attack me."

_He trusts me._ Matthew lightly ran his fingers across his scars. _He has every reason to be scared of trusting someone, his family, too. He has every reason to say he needs to wait to get to know me and yet, he's letting me know every last detail of his lowest points._

"Tell me the rest, Ivan," Matthew moved his hands down to his shoulders and to his arms. "How did you get so strong?"

"I'm not strong, Matthew,"

"It takes a lot of strength to even consider trusting someone after something like that."

"I don't need to have any strength to trust you, Matthew. Just common sense," Matthew stopped himself from tearing up. "But I'll tell you the rest of the story now. No interruptions this time," Matthew nodded and put his hands on Ivan's.

"The last time I saw Maks was at a cafe. We got into a fight, again, about me having my own space. I was getting sick of it; my willpower to go on with it had dropped. I was with him for a year and a half, so I had taken plenty of mad abuse during that time period. I excused myself to the bathroom and I called Kat to come pick me up and bring me because I knew things were probably going to get bad and I didn't want to deal with it. I probably should have, though. And I probably should have told her what was going on at this point. Nobody but I knew what was going on between Maks and I.

"I snuck out of the window and she picked me up. And on the way back, I don't exactly remember what I was doing in the car but we got into a wreck. I hurt my head and was knocked out cold apparently, and Kat was hurt even worse; cuts everywhere and she was paralyzed."

"So that's what happened to her." Matthew thought out loud. Ivan nodded.

"The hospital was agonizing. I was confused, my parents were worried about both of us, I blamed myself for Kat's crash, of course. But then, since my dad had hold of my phone, he happened to notice the many text messages coming through and decided to check them. All kinds of angry, sometimes containing death threats, messages from Maks. My dad approached me about it, and I didn't deny it finally. So, the police were called and my parents announced we were moving. We had to, as soon as possible. All contact with Maks was broken off and we don't know what kind of punishment he received but I haven't heard from him or seen him yet.

"So we moved here, eventually Kat got out of the hospital's care. They were considering, at the time, putting me into therapy, but once they found me in bed with a razor, cuts all over my neck and blood staining the pillow, they decided immediately. And that concludes the Maks story, and starts the Francis story, a happier one." Matthew lightened up.

"Francis and I met in group therapy, as you know. It was less scary because of him, honestly, and Francis probably helped me out more than the actual therapy. He helped me out of most of my social pits and guided me through a lot of my recovery. And then I met you." Ivan pulled him close and hugged him. "I might have relapsed today but I know I'm going to be okay."

"I have faith in you, Ivan," Mathew pressed a kiss onto his cheek as they continued to hug.

"Thank you, Matthew, for listening to me. This went better than I expected."

"You're welcome, Ivan." They kissed again, which Matthew decided to call their first 'romantic kiss that wasn't for comfort,' he even felt Ivan smiling in between their contact.

* * *

><p><strong>There you have it folks, the longest chapter to ever come from me. I tried to tell myself I should finish this before next year, but I feel like there's a lot more that's going to happen so there wouldn't be an ending anytime soon.<strong>

**I also planned to go on an update hiatus and work on my other things during that time without my set update deadlines but I guess this will start after I finish up this fic instead. Yes, it will have a happy ending.  
><strong>


	9. Chapter 9

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

For the rest of that afternoon, Ivan and Matthew lay on his bed, cuddled and watched _Community_. During the episodes, they commented and laughed together, but in between, they took the time to kiss each other a little.

Apart from the simple pecking they usually stuck to, Matthew could tell Ivan either didn't have any experience or time didn't do too well on his skills when it came to kissing. Or maybe he was very eager to kiss. This didn't bother Matthew; he actually thought it was cute. He waited until the end of the episode they were watching to crawl over on top of Ivan, bearing a pretty smile.

"Hey," Ivan shifted comfortably under Matthew before he got relaxed being on top of him. They grazed their lips against the others' briefly, enjoying being close rather than the kiss in general. Matthew touched his chin and moved it upwards lightly.

"Close your eyes and take it slow," he whispered. Ivan silently agreed and closed his eyes. Matthew propped in and laid his lips against his. Ivan obligated to Matthew's wants and resumed the kiss patiently and slowly. When Matthew pulled away, Ivan looked at him with confusion and yearning. Instead of trying to kiss him again, Ivan seemed to be waiting to be kissed by him again.

Matthew slid his glasses off and set them on the night stand sitting adjacent to the bed. He didn't waste time to kiss him again; applying just a little more pressure than before but still taking it gradually. Ivan tried moving faster, but Matthew parted from him again.

"Sorry," he uttered softly, his eyes examining Matthew's. "Am I a bad kisser?"

Matthew smiled. "No, just fervent." He assured him, rolling to his side next to Ivan.

"And inexperienced. I haven't really full-on kissed anyone in years." Ivan positioned himself on his side and close to the other. Their hands were all over each other.

"Me neither, that's why we need to get a feel for each other first." They kissed again, calmly and slowly with only each other's breathing being heard. Matthew felt Ivan's tongue momentarily touch his lower lip.

"Sorry." He apologized between a few pecks.

"It's fine," Matthew moved his hand up to Ivan's head. "Open your mouth a little." Ivan did as he was told and Matthew gently kissed him, moving his tongue to gaze across the inner part of the other's upper lip. Ivan's breathing fastened.

Matthew clutched the back of his head gently and pushed Ivan closer to him. Their lips met for a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss. Ivan let out a satisfying sigh in between even more messy lip contact. Matthew used more tongue, teasingly touching Ivan's. Now Matthew was being eager, but Ivan didn't seem to mind it at all. He now had Matthew enveloped in his arms, under him and breathing heavily from his touches and kisses.

"Do you mind if I'm rough with you?" he whispered after several sentimental kisses.

"Not at all… Please…" Matthew breathed. Ivan was about to ask if they were moving too fast but Matthew pulled him in for another mouthful kiss. They didn't bother pulling back in between. Instead they kept kissing jaggedly and moving their hands across the other's back, arm or face. A minute in, Ivan felt Matthew slow down a little so he gently lifted himself from him.

"Wow." They both panted.

"I'm sorry," Matthew apologized, trying to take control of his breathing. "I probably should have asked first,"

"Don't apologize, it's fine," He leaned in and laid a few small kisses up Matthew cheek. "I'm enjoying myself if you are."

"You're okay with this much intimacy so soon?"

"Are you?"

"Y-Yeah, but…"

"Matthew," Ivan was up to his temple, nuzzling his messy blond hair. "You worry too much about me. I appreciate it but I swear I'm fine. I'm more than fine, actually. I don't think anything you could do could upset me unless you tried upsetting me. Which, I don't think you would."

"I won't." Matthew whispered.

"So relax," they smiled at each other. "Let's enjoy each other right now, okay?"

* * *

><p>Mrs. Braginsky came and got them when dinner was ready. In the middle of eating, Ivan's dad had arrived home. Matthew noticed, other than the violet eyes and body type, Ivan didn't look much like his father as he did with his mother, but he did act like his dad. Unlike Mrs. Braginsky, Mr. Braginsky was more to himself and shy. He didn't speak much other than introducing himself to Matthew. Mrs. Braginsky, Ivan and Katyusha made most of the conversation at the table; asking Matthew questions and getting to know him better.<p>

Deep down, Matthew was quite nervous when it came to meeting Ivan's family as he was about hearing Ivan's past. But now, everything was in place without much stress. He was closer to Ivan, Ivan was clearly going about his past better now, and he was easily accepted into the family without any trouble.

After dinner, Matthew helped Ivan clean the dishes and put up the leftovers.

"No, no," Mr. Braginsky intervened, taking a plate from Ivan's hands. "I'll do the dishes; you two should go hang out."

"No, dad," Ivan held onto the plate. "We got this." Mr. Braginsky got Ivan to let go of the plate and he lifted it up out of his reach.

"Go," Ivan frowned, looking angry. Matthew backed away, thinking he was going to yell or something but Ivan went back to smiling and hugged his dad.

"Okay, come on Matthew," He took Matthew's hand and took him down to the hall.

"Your dad seems cool,"

"He tries to be cool, but I guess that's what makes him cool."

Once they got back to the room, it took three seconds to nonverbally agree to kiss again. Ivan positioned his arm around Matthew's waist and slowly brought his down to the bed. Matthew hands were hung onto the top of his shirt, but he moved one arm around his neck and pulled Ivan closer by his collar.

They heard the door Ivan neglected to close all the way creaked open slowly, revealing Katyusha. After opening his eyes and making eye contact with her, Matthew scrambled to get out of Ivan's clasp while Ivan just turned his head to look at his sister.

"Hi, do you need something?" Ivan asked. _How can he just casually speak to her while holding me over his bed like this? _Ivan thought to himself, his whole face turning red.

"Yes," Katyusha smiled and rolled into the room, gently closing the door behind her. Ivan's grip loosened and he stood up. Matthew immediately got on the bed and laid face down, covering his face with his hands.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," He repeated.

"It's okay Matthew, I'm sorry for scaring you." She looked over at Ivan. "And I'm sorry for interrupting. Are you doing okay? Mom and Nat told me you relapsed."

Ivan nodded. "Yeah, took a nap, had one of those dreams again." He lifted up his hand. "I punched the wall."

"Aw! Again?" She gestured for Ivan to come closer and took hold of his hand.

"I recovered from it pretty quickly,"

"Was Matthew here when it happened?" Matthew looked up from the bed sheets when she had asked.

"No, he came right after it happened." Katyusha bit her lip. "I'm fine, Kat. Really! I'm sure it won't happen again for a long time, if it even happens again." Katyusha nodded, starting to tear up. "Kat… No… Don't cry." Ivan bent over and hugged his sister.

"Oh Ivan, I'm just so happy things have been going so much better, even after relapsing again. I'm so happy." She cried more.

"You don't sound like it." Ivan laughed, hugging her tighter.

"I am." They let go of each other and she moved to the side of the bed so she was able to see Matthew. "It's great to see you again, Matthew. And it'll be great seeing you more. Take care, okay?"

"Okay, it's nice seeing you, too." She gestured for him to come to her, scooting back her wheelchair a little. Matthew got off the bed and was pulled into another crushing hug, as expected.

"I'll be going now," She told them after letting go of Matthew. "Have fun you two." She looked up at Ivan. "And remember that talk we had the other day. Top shelf in the bathroom closet." She winked. Ivan gasped suddenly and covered his face with his hands, much like Matthew had done earlier.

After she left, Matthew sat back down on the bed. "What was that about?"

"Nothing, Matthew. Kat just likes to mess with me." He smiled nervously, his face still red.

"Oh, alright." Matthew decided to let it go, though he was still suspicious. "Want to watch more community?"

"Sure!"

* * *

><p>Curled up, holding onto Kumajiro, and cuddled close to Ivan was how Matthew fell asleep. He didn't quite remember when he did, but he knows he dozed off, probably thinking he was just going to shut his eyes for a minute.<p>

He woke up suddenly, noticing this. The TV was turned off, the room was dark, his glasses were off and he was no longer huddled against his warm boyfriend. None of those things were what he focused on first, but to weeping.

Ivan was crying. Matthew instantly overcame his sleepy mode and went into sudden panic.

"I-Ivan?" He felt he was close. His hand roamed towards his direct and he gently touched what he assumed was his arm, leg or side. "Ivan, oh are…"

A loud, bloodcurdling scream punctured Matthew's ears, and afterwards other sounds that Matthew could assume was Ivan pulling away from him and falling off the bed. The sheets and comforter were pulled off of him, too.

Matthew crawled to the end of Ivan's side of the bed and turned on the light. On the ground laid Ivan, crying louder than before and clutching onto the discarded blankets that he was tangled up in on the ground with his head pressed against them as if he was cowering from a monster.

"He won't fucking… He won't fucking _get out of my head_!" Ivan screamed, his words muffled by his sobbing and being pressed against the fabric of his comforter.

Matthew froze, completely devastated at the sight. He was terrified and had no idea what to do. His voice refused to work at this point, and neither would his body. He didn't know what he would do if they did. What could he say or do? Should he touch him after his reaction from before?

The door opened rapidly but not to where it slammed the wall. The light was turned on. Matthew turned around and saw Ivan's parents standing in the door way, pale and bewildered. Matthew was in tears, trying to speak but still, nothing would come out. They ran to the other side of the bed.

"Vanya, it's okay," His mother called.

"It was just a dream, he isn't here anymore." Ivan looked up and let out another cry, as did Matthew. As Mrs. Braginsky pulled Ivan up and hugged onto him tightly, Ivan's dad stood up and looked at Matthew.

"What happened?"

"He… He… I woke up…. And he was crying. I touched his arm and suddenly he was…" Matthew kept sobbing. _Why can't I keep myself together? For Ivan's sake?_

"It's okay. You're pretty shaken up, and that's understandable. Go get some water for both you and Ivan, okay?" Matthew nodded and got off the bed.

In the kitchen, he took a deep breath and calmed himself down. Ivan needed him and the last thing he should be doing is losing it. He took two cups out of the cabinet and quickly filled them with water.

When he returned to the room, Ivan's parents were softly talking to Ivan. He stepped over them and sat down in an empty spot next to Ivan's legs. Ivan's eyes watched him as he took his place. He sat up and pulled himself away from mom's arms. Matthew extended his hand to offer him the glass but instead, Ivan clung to his torso and settled down on his lap with his legs pushing at the ground trying to get closer to him. Ivan's mom grabbed the glasses of water from his hands before he could spill them.

Matthew ran his hand through Ivan's hair. He had already stopped crying, but he still looked upset. He had gone to sleep without his scarf on, which made Matthew a little nervous about how exposed he must be feeling at that moment.

"Do you need our help with anything else?" Mrs. Braginsky whispered. Ivan shook his head. "Okay, I'll leave you with Matthew." She reached over and patted his shoulder.

After Ivan's parents left, Ivan continued to lie against Matthew, hugging onto him without any sign of wanting to move.

"Ivan…" Matthew started.

"Just… A bit longer please…" Ivan spoke up, taking a deep breath. "You should talk about something. Something nice. Anything. Take my mind off this."

Matthew thought for a moment. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Late."

"I think we fell asleep around 10, and I know we've been asleep for a while. Maybe it's 3. I want to see how close I am."

"I'm thinking more towards 2, but I could be wrong." He took another deep breath and sat up. "We'll get back to bed in a minute, let me just remake it."

"No, let me do it." Before Ivan can protest, Matthew kissed him. After that, Ivan took a deep breath, smiling slightly.

"Okay."

After Matthew made the bed, he helped Ivan stand up. "Do you want to talk about this tonight?"

"I mean, we can." Ivan crawled under the covers and settled in. Matthew crawled over him and relaxed down next to him.

"If you want, I just need to know if you're okay."

"I am okay," Ivan's eyes said otherwise. Apart from the tiredness, there was sadness. Worry perhaps.

"Are you hurt?" Matthew asked.

"I hit my back when I fell off the bed, but it just kinda aches."

"Maybe you bruised yourself, let me take a look." They both sat up, Ivan reaching down to the edge of his shirt. He turned his back to Matthew when he removed his shirt. Of course, he didn't think any bruises would show up now, but there was one way to really find out.

He gently pressed his hands against his back. "Where does it hurt?"

"Just in the middle and my shoulder blades." Matthew moved his hands up touching gently.

"Is this hurting you?"

"No, actually it's soothing." Matthew sighed a sigh of relief.

"Well, you're not bruised." He continued to rub Ivan's back. Ivan moved around a little, stretching here and there. They remained quiet during this time.

"You can stop," Ivan leaned back, lying against Matthew with his back against his lap. "I feel better, thanks,"

Matthew nodded, his eyes wondering. He had never seen Ivan without his shirt, nor was he used to seeing his without his scarf, and there everything was. He looked so much more different without the heavy clothing he always wore. Matthew's first impression was correct; Ivan was muscular, but he was also big-boned and chubby, mostly in the stomach area, face and butt…

Not that Matthew had really examined that.

Okay, maybe once or twice.

Ivan rolled his head backwards to look up at Matthew, as if he was expecting a reply. Matthew quickly took his eyes off his torso and looked to his eyes. He didn't know where to put his hands so he slipped them under Ivan's back.

Ivan lifted up his hand and laid it on Matthew's head, pushing his down a little more so their lips can meet for a brief kiss. After parting, Ivan's hands didn't leave Matthew's cheeks.

"My shoulders ache a little."

"Oh." Matthew moved his hands to his shoulders and rubbed them gently. "Did you hit them?"

"Nope," He removed his hands from Matthew's cheeks. "My chest hurts, too."

"Oh, where?" Ivan was smiling now. He grabbed Matthew's hands and slid them down to the center of his chest.

"Here." Matthew could feel his heart beating under his hands. A little rapidly than a usual heartbeat, maybe it was the romantic mood. "Matthew, I'm sorry." _Still smiling._

"Why are you sorry?" Matthew asked.

"I lied; my chest and shoulders don't hurt." Matthew broke into laughter, trying to keep his volume down so nobody would be woken up. Matthew moved his hands under Ivan's arms and pulled him up to him, hugging him.

"You're forgiven, I guess," He gave Ivan's cheek a few kisses.

"Well, you were eyeing me." Ivan laughed. "I didn't want to embarrass you with saying you can observe or touch my body when you want."

Matthew tilted his head. "I have a funny boyfriend."

"I have a cute, shy boyfriend,"

"I have a boyfriend with cute cheeks," Matthew pinched Ivan's face.

"My boyfriend has soft hands." Ivan grabbed Matthew's hand, giving it a squeeze.

"My boyfriend looks like he could lift a car."

"Your boyfriend can't lift a car, Matthew." They laughed together. Ivan reached over to pick up Matthew's phone that was set aside when the bed was made.

"What time is it?" Matthew asked.

"It's two." Ivan turned his head, beaming.

"Gosh darn." Matthew complained. "I lost."

"And for my prize," Ivan sat up and turned towards Matthew. "You have to take your shirt off, too." Matthew laughed, and then realized he was serious.

"Well, I guess it's only fair." Matthew reached down and pulled off his shirt. He looked away, knowing Ivan was probably observing. His hand instinctively covered up the few spots of acne on his chest.

Ivan reached up and removed his hand, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He pulled him close to him. Matthew realized how much warmer Ivan was without his shirt and now him being shirtless as well. He also realized he could feel Ivan's heart beating against his own.

* * *

><p><strong>And this is my apology for completing chapter 8 a week in advance and forgetting to upload it for another whole week. I'm so rude. But hey, a new chapter in less than a week, and I even started writing chapter 10. Hurray!<br>**

**Here's chapter 9, where it's happy, then everything goes downhill, but then I refused to leave it like that. And because I want to go into detail about Ivan's further recovery, and why this was titled "When the Snow Falls", I think this fic will end up being longer than I expected.**

**But when it does end, this won't be my only RusCan fic. I am, actually, in the process of writing another that will start being released after this one ends (not sure if I've mentioned this yet sorry) and some nationverse set drabble somewhere in my red notebook that I /might/ come around to throwing into a oneshot and uploading.**

**Not to they're married with 3 kids and 2 dogs in Køhler's Koffee (Yes, I put a reference to it in this chapter.)**

**RusCan has taken over my life.**

**I'm surprised I'm this far, though. Because dang! These moments seemed so far off when I started brainstorming this work.**

**Happy November to you all! I'll have chapter 10 out hopefully soon!**


	10. Chapter 10

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

"Hey, school's cancelled tomorrow and Tuesday due to the snow," Alfred declared over the phone. Matthew turned his head to glance out the window at the early morning sun with his tired eyes. Through the ice-blinded windows, Matthew could see the massive amounts of snow piling the ground.

"Is that so?" Matthew asked. _Two more days off, huh._ Ivan gently shifted around in front of him, his head resting on Matthew's lap. Matthew moved his hand down to Ivan's hair. It gave him peace at mind that he was getting sleep and not having another nightmare like he had just hours ago.

"Yeah, do you want me to pick you up later?"

"N-No," Matthew bit his lip. It would be rude to continue staying over at someone else's house without permission. "I have to ask Ivan's parents if I could stay longer, but I think I need to stay."

His brother paused. "I'm sorry?"

Matthew glanced down at his boyfriend. "It's a long story, Alfred. I will tell you it sometime, but I need to be here for Ivan…"

"Oh," Alfred sounded skeptical. "Is he okay?"

"Right now, yes. But…" Matthew trailed off.

"Take care of him, Matthew. Ask if you can stay longer and text me if I need to pick you up later."

"Thanks Alfred, but there's something else I need to tell you." Matthew's face turned red.

"Are you about to tell me Ivan's your boyfriend? Because I'm not stupid Matthew, I know there was a reason why you were so smiley last week." Alfred did that stupid, almost laughing voice of his. Matthew breathed out deeply.

"Oh, sorry I kept it from you. I just didn't want to be pressured to ask him out before he was ready, you know?"

"I do, and you asked him out?! What happened to the shy Matthew I know?" He laughed this time.

"I'm still here. Shy as always."

"I'm totally happy for you, bro. I'm sure mom, dad, and Arthur will be stoked to hear about it."

"Francis, too," Matthew gasped suddenly. He was so focused on Ivan that he never thought to tell Francis all that had happened.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, just remembered I probably need to call Francis after this." Matthew laughed.

"Probably. Get back to me about your plans, Mattie. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Al." Matthew hung up, setting his phone aside for a second to observe Ivan. He was still sound asleep and doing fine. Matthew bent down and kissed his cheek gently.

He grabbed his phone and dialed Francis' number.

"Matthew?" Francis asked after picking up the phone and paused to yawn.

"Did I wake you? Sorry."

"It's fine, it's important and about Ivan, isn't it?"

"You're too smart."

"I'm also guessing you're not single anymore. Am I right?"

"Way to soil the surprised." Francis laughed in response.

"That's great. How did it go?" Matthew sighed, knowing he's going to have to tell him what all had happened. "What? Come on, it's the story that you're going to tell to you and Ivan's three children and two dogs later in life."

"Well, he relapsed before I came here," Matthew's voice was low.

"What, is he okay?!"

"It wasn't a bad one, he did punch a wall, but his hand is okay. And he was alright afterwards. Then we sat down and he told me everything. About Maks and Yao and the crash and his neck… And then I guess it just happened in the middle of it and afterwards."

"Explain," Francis' voice had lightened up a little.

"Well, I guess our feelings were brought up during a side conversation while he was telling me the story. And we kissed a few times during it, too."

"Good, how do you feel?"

"Happy, Francis, I'm extremely happy. But I'm also worried. I probably should mention that he had a nightmare last night, too."

"Oh… How bad?"

"Pretty bad. I touched his arm because I heard crying, and I think I scared him. I don't know, we didn't talk about it because we were both set on better topics, I guess. But he fell off the bed and hit the wall. He also screamed when he did." Matthew paused, feeling his heart almost drop from remembering the incident. "Francis, it was awful. It was hard seeing him so scared and upset."

"I'm sorry, Mattieu. You have to tough it out, for him." Matthew knew he was right.

"I know, I just didn't expect it. If it happens again..."

"It probably will happen again. I have as much faith in Ivan's recovery as you do but it's better to not be biased. Did he tell you about the snow stuff?"

"Snow stuff?" Matthew asked, confused.

"That's a stupid name for it but nothing triggers Ivan more easily than snowfall. He's not sure why that is himself, but it's how it is. It happens every year, and sadly Ivan was really set on this year being the first time he's not affected by it."

"He never told me any of that."

"He probably didn't want to worry you or jinx himself. Or he forgot to. His situation is so complicated that he probably left some parts out. He's probably torn up about it now. Is he doing okay?"

"He seems to be taking it well," Matthew whispered. "But you're right, what should I do?"

"Keep doing what you're doing. If he seems externally happy, then that's good. But he doesn't need to keep his bad feelings hidden. Get him to talk about the dream, maybe. Let him know he shouldn't keep his negative feelings to himself, stuff like that."

"Thanks again, Francis," Matthew sighed.

"He'll be okay, Matthew," Francis assured him. "I'm sure you should be with him now. Come talk to me if anything comes up okay? Oh and congrats, enjoy your time with your new boyfriend. I'm happy for you!"

"Again, thank you." Matthew laughed.

"Talk to you later."

"Bye." The phone line went and Matthew set his phone aside. Ivan was still asleep and drooling a little on his lap. He smiled, running his hand through his hair again.

"Was that Francis?" Ivan slowly opened his eyes.

"Oh, you're awake. Yeah, it was. Alfred called and woke me up, and since I told him about us, I felt the need to tell Francis, too. And I kinda told him what happened yesterday and last night… I hope that's fine." Matthew suddenly felt a little embarrassed that he had talked about Ivan behind his back.

"It's fine, I was going to tell him anyway." Ivan shifted around in his spot and hugged around Matthew's waist. "What did he say?"

"He gave me some advice as always, and that he's really happy for us."

"Well of course," Ivan laughed some. "He's the one who kinda set us up in the first place."

"Yeah," He remembered Francis mentioning that 'his conversations with him are strictly between them, as theirs are kept away from Ivan's ears' weeks ago. He really wanted to know if Ivan and Francis had the same conversations as the two of them. He wondered what Ivan had said about him. "He probably got out of bed to scratch that off his bucket list."

Ivan couldn't reply from laughing. "Do you wonder what else is on Francis' bucket list? I mean, if he actually has one."

"Probably a good amount of goals like 'run a bakery' or 'release at least one successful solo album' and plenty of things like 'be gorgeous today' and 'learn to pole dance while playing an instrument'." Ivan was lost with laughter again. Matthew took a deep breath.

"Are you truly alright, Ivan?"

Ivan's laughing quieted down. "I'm feeling okay now, Matthew."

"Are you sure? I need you to tell me if you are. Francis told me about your issues with snow…"

"Oh." Ivan sat up and fixed his hair. "I probably needed to say something about that, huh?"

"It's okay, I'm not going to learn everything about your situation in one sitting. But it's important for me, as well as your family, to know how you're really feeling."

"I'm not lying to you, Matthew. I'm okay." Ivan's voice sounded sterner, Matthew started to panic.

He leaned over and kissed Ivan's cheek. "And if you start to feel stressed or upset, please tell me. I just don't want you to harbor all your bad feelings so they go away instead of getting worse." Ivan looked away for a second, Matthew couldn't quite tell if what he said was comforting to him, or just made him feel guilty instead.

"Oh Ivan, I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" Ivan looked up at him, smiling some.

"I'm full of imperfections, Matthew. I keep assuring you I'm perfectly fine after all these years of getting away from him, but yet I'm just kidding myself. I'm kidding you. I didn't lie when I said I was fine, I did feel fine. I woke up next to you from your voice and I'm not lying… I'm happy. But I've been thinking about how far these nightmares and bad feelings have followed me, and I'm still not over it." Matthew could hear tears about to come by his voice. "I have been wondering if they would ever go away."

"You've been through hell and back, Ivan. Look at how much progress you've made since the beginning. Please keep faith in yourself, and tell me when you don't feel okay when you do feel bad. Tell yourself you don't feel okay. I will continue being here, because I love being here with you, and I will help you because I care about you more than anything."

Ivan shook his head some and hugged onto Matthew. "Thanks."

"Sorry I put you in a bad mood."

"I guess I didn't know it, but I was already in a sour mood. But I'm feeling better."

"Thanks for telling me. Please tell me if there's anything you want me to do." Ivan pulled away from the hug, looking at him. Matthew gazed back, moving his hand up to touch his cheek. Ivan leaned closer to him and laid him lips on Matthew's very momentarily. Avoiding smelling each other's morning breath, they kept it short and quickly pulled back.

"I don't need anything right now, but I want to lie down for a little longer though." Matthew moved over for him to lay his head on the pillow.

He settled down and reached over to squeeze Matthew's hand. "Thanks, uhhh Matthew."

Matthew smiled at him. "_Uhhh_ Matthew?"

"I was about to use a pet name or something but couldn't think of any."

"Hm, cute." He leaned down and kissed Ivan's forehead. "I need to think of a good one for you, too."

"Vanya is okay." He told him, holding him by his arms before Matthew could sit back up. Matthew slowly laid back down.

"Hmm… Isn't that what your parents call you?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah, it's my name only in Russian."

"Oh, that's cool." Matthew shifted closer to him. "It sounds beautiful."

"And yours is Matvey."

"Pretty." Matthew smiled again.

"Так же, как вы, мой драгоценный Матвей." Ivan spoke softly, nuzzling close to the other to kiss his cheek. "I'll call you Matvey, if you desire that."

"It's unique and I love it, Vanya. Thank you." They shared another kiss.

"Matvey, I hate to bring this up but…"

"The morning breath is awful?"

"Yeah."

* * *

><p><strong>Short filler chapter, lots of drama going on in the past... Well all the other chapters so here are two dorks being cute and supportive with awful morning breath.<strong>

**Apologies for possibly bad Russian translate. Так же, как вы, мой драгоценный Матвей mean 'Just like you, my precious Matthew'**


	11. Chapter 11

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

Mrs. and Mr. Braginsky had come into the room sometime that morning and talked to Ivan about the night before. Ivan was calm and happy, which pleased his parents to know he was okay. They granted Matthew permission to stay as long as he wanted to during his time off school.

After that, Matthew and Ivan seemed to have the whole house to themselves, despite the unknown whereabouts of Katyusha and Natalya. Ivan assumed they were either in their rooms or outside.

Matthew had left the room to grab snacks, and was just about to return when Ivan came into the room. He was confused at first, thinking there was a problem that Ivan couldn't wait to bring up before he came back. He then was even more confused when he noticed Ivan was smiling genially.

"Hey, was I taking too long?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah, way too long." He joked. "Not really, I just thought I would join you."

"That's alright." Matthew smiled, walking to him. "I don't think I quite realize how big your house really is."

"It's not that big, you just don't know your way around yet." Ivan slipped one of the granola bars from his hand and opened the plastic covering. "I probably should give you a tour."

"That would be cool." Matthew responded, excited.

Starting with the kitchen, Ivan showed Matthew around the house. Going down the hallway Ivan's room was on, there were all the bedrooms and the bathroom. Ivan didn't bother opening the doors and showing him the rooms. He could hear Kat's TV from the hallway and he didn't want to risk barging in on Natalya. It was also rude to show off their personal space, anyway.

On the other side was another bathroom, a guest room, a small bookroom (which Ivan had to pull Matthew out of to continue the tour), and a large study.

"That's just about it. We also have a backyard." He pointed to the window. "But it's not that big."

Matthew opened up the door and peeked out of it. The backyard was small, but the pile of snow made the view so much bigger.

"Wow." Matthew stepped out onto the patio.

"Where are you going?" Ivan asked, peeking out the door.

"It looks so vast." Matthew looked around at the few trees sitting in the yard, as well as a swing. "And pretty." Ivan was silent for a moment, all Matthew could hear was his breathing. He suddenly remembered Ivan's issues with snow. "I'm sorry I-"

"It's fine," Ivan stepped out of the door, closing it behind him. "It's just that I don't exactly have good memories about snow, you know? But it doesn't haunt me consciously. And you are right; the yard looks pretty this way."

Matthew looked down at his bare feet that were imprinting into the snow on the patio. _No good memories? _Though Alfred hated snow, they would always play together in it every chance they had. Arthur and Francis, of course, would join in. Afterwards, he would spend time inside with hot chocolate next to the fire place.

The only bad memories about snow he could think of were times he was snowed in for a day or two, but his grandma or new family was always there with him. He couldn't relate or imagine how Ivan felt as much as he wanted to.

"You want to make some?" He asked.

"Hm?" Ivan asked, stepping up to be by Matthew's side.

"Memories." Matthew told him, looking at him.

Ivan's content face broke into a smile. "Well, why not?"

* * *

><p>After dressing in proper attire, both tore through the house and outside the back door. Matthew hated to ruin the untouched snowy scene in the Braginsky's backyard but as Ivan held onto his hand and laughed as they raced to the door, he wanted nothing more than the roll into the icy landscape like he did when he was younger with the other.<p>

Once they were outside, Ivan raced ahead of him and kneeled down into the snow. He picked up a handful of snow and looked at it closely as it crumbed off his gloves and onto his lap. Matthew bent over and picked up a handful himself and molded it into a ball. As he came up to throw it at him, Ivan had already thrown one at him.

"Hey!" Matthew laughed after the snowball clashed with his jacket sleeve. He tossed his at him, hitting him in the leg. As Ivan went to make more, Matthew dashed away to find a hiding place before he could make some to protect himself with.

Ivan stormed over holding an armful of snowballs. Luckily Matthew was able to defend himself behind one of the trees as Ivan wasted all of his. He ran for a nearby tree as Matthew hurled a couple at him.

The two remained in a stalemate for a few minutes before they agreed on peace while they set up snow forts. Matthew carefully built his like an expert while Ivan struggled to build one but eventually got a hang of it, making his durable enough to protect himself from Matthew's upcoming attacks.

They called off the peace after making a few snowballs and began tossing them at one another. Matthew aimed for Ivan's fort first, which angered him into chunking his into Matthew's fort.

After half of Ivan's was down, he quickly attempted to repair it before attacking Matthew again. He failed to take down Matthew's fort, but luckily had planned the battle through a little more. He grabbed a rock he had found next to the tree, molded it into a small snowball, and chunked into the center of Matthew's fort.

Matthew screamed in surprise as the middle of his fort crumbed before him and a couple of Ivan's snowballs hit him in the chest. Ivan piled more at him as he attempted to rebuild, only to knock down his right-hand defense while he shielded himself from Ivan's attacked.

"Wait, wait!" Matthew's eye caught the rock laying in the snow in front of him. "Don't tell me you used this rock!"

"Me? Why would you say that?" Ivan was smiling evilly.

"You threw this rock in a snowball, didn't you?" Mathew held up the small stone. "That's totally against the rules."

"What rules? You never mentioned any rules!" Matthew stood up and dropped the rock, glaring at Ivan.

"I was just being inventive, my sweet snowflake!" Matthew rushed to Ivan's fort; the snowballs Ivan used in effort to protect himself didn't work as the other completely demolished his defensives and tackled him into the snow.

"You're going down!" The two tumbled and laughed, taking handfuls of snow and throwing it at each other.

"Does this mean I win?" Ivan asked once Matthew had stopped fighting and was now sitting on his torso.

Matthew took a few more breaths before nodding. "Yeah, sure. Good job."

"No, no." Ivan sat up, moving Matthew to his lap. "I need a correct surrender."

Matthew thought for a moment. "I surrender to you, Lord Ivan Braginsky." He couldn't stop himself from laughing. "For you are more powerful than I and have defeated me in this prolonged snow war."

"I will accept your plea to end this war." Ivan smiled. "If you, Sir Matthew Williams, give me something in return."

Matthew smiled, leaning in closely to Ivan's ear. "Anything for you, Ivan." Now in the other's arms, Matthew felt the world standstill without anything to fill the silence but Ivan's heartbeat. Through the wordless moment, and though the cold air was able to get to him under all his clothes, Matthew felt he could stay like that forever; close to Ivan.

Ivan broke the stillness seconds later, placing a soft kiss on Matthew's cheek. "Come with me to my room, my honorable rival, where we will share my sweet, sweet mother's hot chocolate and cuddle in warmth." Ivan's tone was serious, as if he was proposing Matthew give in to something, and he managed to keep a straight face until Matthew started laughing.

"As you wish." Matthew pressed his lips against Ivan's cold mouth. Both smiled in between kisses before they helped each out of the snow.

* * *

><p>Ivan stayed in the kitchen after they came back inside and prepared the hot chocolate while Matthew went back to the room, took his boots and jacket off, and crawled under Ivan's comforter. He shivered some, curling up to contain more of his body heat. He pressed his face against the fabric of the blanket, wishing Ivan was there to cuddle with.<p>

He nuzzled into the blanket more and closed his eyes, inhaling Ivan's scent. He had been around Ivan for a while by then, but he still couldn't get enough of it. He thought about how much he would miss it when he had to go back home. He opened his eyes and peeked over at Ivan's dresser, sitting across the room from him.

Matthew made the rash decision to quickly take one of Ivan's shirts and try putting it on before Ivan came back into the room. He started opening drawers quietly, in attempt to find some shirts. Finally, he found some folded up. He took one out and began taking off the shirt he already had on. Once he had it off, he heard footsteps coming towards the room. Matthew threw on the shirt and jumped back onto the bed.

Ivan slowly pushed the door open, holding two cups of hot chocolate up. "Matvey?"

"Hm?" Matthew looked up from the pillow he had landed on.

"Were you jumping on my bed while I wasn't here?" Ivan asked, sitting onto the bed beside Matthew and setting the mugs onto the side table.

"No," Matthew answered, sitting up.

"It's okay if you were, you know." He glanced at him, and then down at the shirt he was wearing. "That's funny, I have a shirt like that that my dad had given me. Yours even looks my size…" He pulled on the sleeve of it. "This is my shirt, isn't it?"

Matthew turned red and nodded, breaking into a smile. Ivan leaned over and gave him a few kisses on his cheek. "You're too cute." He muttered. Their lips met, and they shared a few kisses before Matthew leaned back onto the pillows.

Ivan explored; while he held onto the shirt Matthew had put on, his lips moved from Matthew's, down to his jaw and onto his neck. He embedded a few kisses here and there as he went. Ivan was only placing tender touches with his hands, lips, and body; Matthew relaxed under him but noticed the other was basically standing over him. Putting his arm around Ivan's back, he pulled him closer.

Still nuzzled into Matthew's neck, Ivan slowly lowered himself on top of Matthew. He let out a deep breath. "Am I crushing you?"

"No, you're fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Matthew moved his hand up to Ivan's chin and pulled him up to look at him. "Kiss." He muttered quietly, touching Ivan's bottom lip with his thumb.

Ivan leaned in and touched their lips together once more. Matthew moved his hand to his hair as they kissed as Ivan placed his around Matthew's back, lifting him slightly. He groaned some with the change of position but kept his lips on Ivan's.

He felt the tip of Ivan's tongue touch his upper lip, his eyes opened some. "Ivan," his voice was muffled, but audible.

"Hm?" Ivan pulled away some to hear Matthew.

"Our drinks." Matthew turned his head towards the mugs sitting on the side table next to them.

"Oh, right." Ivan sat up carefully. Matthew followed, stretching some. He took a mug off the table and handed it to Matthew.

"Thank you." Ivan pecked Matthew's cheek again with a 'mhn'; taking his own mug, he took a sip.

"Do you want to go back outside again after this?" Ivan asked, licking his upper lip.

"I do."

* * *

><p>Don't mind me, just kinda casually ditched updating this for a good 3 months (I think) but I'll try updating it every month or so.<p>

Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

Mrs. Braginsky got home late that afternoon. Once she had gotten her things from the car, she went straight to her son's room. She had been worried about him all day, and felt bad that she was too busy at work to call or text him sometime during the day. She knew he had Matthew there with him, and if he wasn't already going to stay another night, she would have asked him if he wanted to. She couldn't say that she wasn't anxious about the idea of Ivan liking someone again after his situation with Maks at first. She had gotten past that because she trusted Ivan's judgement. Matthew ended up being not only a kind and pleasant boy that was good for Ivan to be around, but someone who had _experience_ in being around and comforting someone in recovery.

She knocked on his bedroom door, waited a few quiet seconds for a reply, and knocked again; there was no answer. "Ivan?" She called, but there wasn't a response. She slowly opened the door to an empty room and a messy bed spread. She thought for a second, turning around and walking back to the kitchen. _Maybe they're in the bookroom_, she thought. As she walked down the hallway, she skimmed through the other rooms before entering the bookroom. To her surprise, they were not in there either. _Where could they be?_

She walked back to the kitchen to retrieve her purse for her phone when she noticed Natalya was standing in the doorway. "Have you seen Ivan and Matthew? I can't seem to find them anywhere." She asked.

"They're probably still outside."

"Matthew and Ivan are… Outside."

"You heard me correctly. They've been running in and out all day."

"Really?" She walked to the window above the sink and looked outside. The snow that had fallen from the night before was disrupted with footsteps and a few of what looked like small sculptures and snowmen were built here and there. And there her son was, laughing and grabbing handfuls of snow and tossing it at his equally joyful boyfriend. She could faintly hear their laughs and conversation. "I can barely believe this."

"I was surprised at first, too," Natalya cleared her throat. "But I remembered I was the same way the first time he started going out of his room more last year and when he went out with a friend for the first time since we moved."

"You're right. But I didn't expect him to suddenly be this okay with snow." Mrs. Braginsky continued to watch as the two played in the snow, not turning to look at Natalya as she spoke.

"Ivan has probably been fine with snow for a while, mom. He just needed some sort of push to go outside and play in it."

"You could say the same about the rest," Mrs. Braginsky replied. "When your dad offered to teach Ivan to cook more, he didn't seem nervous at all to be out of his room more. And when he became friends with Francis; he actually seemed like he was okay to be around anyone who wasn't us. But immediately ready or not, I'm happy Ivan has gotten as far as he has."

* * *

><p>Ivan and Matthew settled back into his room after occupying the whole day with playing outside in the snow. The comforter and sheets were untidy from them constantly getting off and on the bed and Matthew's habit of moving positions, trying to sit or lay comfortably against his boyfriend. Even though the sun had set hours ago and they had no interest in leaving the bed, the two did not bother fixing the bed up. They sat close at the edge with the comforter laying over their backs and a controller in their hands.<p>

Ivan quit after a while, getting tired and resting his head on Matthew's shoulder while he watched him continue playing the game. Other than speaking a sudden thought out loud, they didn't speak much. The silence was comfortable to both of them. Ivan just enjoyed having Matthew there with him, as Matthew enjoyed being with him.

Matthew wanted to end the night off nicely, but there was still something on his mind. "Ivan," he whispered quietly, hoping Ivan wasn't already dozing off on him.

"Hm?"

"What do I do if you have another dream like the one from last night?" Matthew asked.

Ivan didn't have to think on the reply. "Don't wake me up. There's nothing you can really do other than maybe turning on your lamp. If it lasts too long, you should move to the living room. The couch is pretty comfortable if you want to go back to sleep afterwards."

"Okay," Matthew didn't want to add another question. He had asked because he was concerned for Ivan's wellbeing, but Ivan answered as if he cared more about if he was comfortable being around him during his dreams than himself. Matthew didn't want to repeat the conversation from that morning and say something. Instead, he leaned over and gave Ivan a kiss. "I'm getting tired."

"Me too," Ivan answered back. He reached for the remote that was sitting right next to Matthew.

"I'll turn everything off." Matthew spoke, grabbing the remote instead. "You can go ahead and lay down." Ivan drowsily nodded and moved to his spot on the bed as Matthew turned the TV and PS3 off. Matthew crawled back onto the bed in the dark.

"Where are you? I can't see." Ivan asked.

"I can't see you either." Matthew answered back. Ivan reached out and touched Matthew's shoulder. "Oh."

"There you are." Ivan laughed. His hand went up his neck and to his cheek; his other hand touched his other cheek. Matthew's hands met Ivan's for a second before he moved them down to find the rest of him. He carefully positioned himself next to Ivan and pulling him in for a short kiss.

He meant to stop there, but Ivan kissed him again, and then again. By the third kiss, Matthew didn't want stop. Their fourth was much longer and drawn out, and their semi-dried lips stuck awkwardly against each other.

The way Ivan pulled only his lips away but kept Matthew's face close to his made Matthew's heart beat wrathfully. His hands involuntarily latched onto Ivan's shoulders. Their breaths became husky when Matthew began to lead Ivan into firmer kisses. Excited, Ivan let out a gasp, but quickly covering his mouth and ending the caressing embarrassed.

"Oops." He whispered. "I hope my sisters weren't awake to hear that."

"I'm sure they could have mistaken it for anything." Matthew picked up his phone from the table. "It's past 11, I'm sure they're both asleep." He felt Ivan nod and take a few deep breaths.

"We still need to keep quiet, just in case." He breathed.

"Yeah," Matthew leaned down and pressed another quick kiss to Ivan's lips. "We got a little carried away."

"That's okay, even though I'm not so tired anymore." Ivan laughed.

"Me either." Matthew laughed with him, moving the comforter over him and getting at ease. "Sorry."

"There's nothing to apologize for." Ivan moved closer to him, getting under the covers as well. He leaned over and kissed Matthew again, moving his arms around the other. "I'll be quieter." He whispered.

Matthew happily obligated to Ivan's wants; almost holding his breath while kissing him back. The more he kissed Ivan, the more he wanted to continue kissing Ivan. He felt freer to do so, even when he had to keep quiet, while he was close to him in his dark bedroom. He also felt much more closer to Ivan than before.

The kissing got rough rather quickly, Ivan stopped to breath every so often. Matthew was moved to on top of Ivan where he grabbed onto Ivan's pillow as Ivan clung to his shirt. Matthew felt lost in the moment until he felt Ivan's hand onto the skin of his back.

The gesture sent a jolt of excitement through Matthew and broke his rhythm. He kept returning Ivan's continuous kisses, but he was suddenly aware of how physical they were being. His focus was thrown off again when Ivan pulled him in, their bodies lying flush against one another. They had pulled back, breathing heavily but trying do so quietly. Ivan's hands were still under Matthew's shirt and on his lower back. Matthew could almost feel Ivan staring at him in the dark. He could still feel and hear his breathing, but he couldn't tell if Ivan was upset or content.

Ivan's nose touched his before he gave Matthew a few short, light kisses. He moved Matthew back down onto his side, closing the space between his body and Ivan's arms. Matthew was able to breathe and calm down.

Ivan didn't say anything, but he kept close with his lips pressed near Matthew's right cheek. His hands slowly moved to Matthew's hips.

"Are you okay?" Ivan whispered. _Are you okay with this? _Matthew knew what he had meant. He had felt Matthew's confused reaction and that's why he had suddenly slowed down.

"Slower." He answered back, he felt Ivan nod. Matthew kept it at that; it was understood that he had enjoyed the heat of the moment, but things needed to cool down. Ivan knew he would speak up if that wasn't the case.

Ivan's hands stayed where they were, only moving to the outside of Matthew's shirt very slowly. Ivan moved away an inch to give him some more room. Matthew moved his legs gently against Ivan's, letting them gently intertwine with each other as Ivan shifted his position.

"Are you comfortable?" Ivan asked.

"I am." Matthew found Ivan's hands and moved them to the hem of his shirt. "Go ahead."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Ivan's hands leisurely glided against Matthew's back, slipping the bottom of the shirt up.

He reached the middle of Matthew's back when he stopped. "I won't go further."

"Okay." Matthew reached over and touched the end of Ivan's shirt. He pinched the hem, only to lift it up but not place his hands against Ivan. Ivan gave him a kiss of assurance; softly and long, but not moving his lips against his.

Matthew kissed back happily. The hands resting on his back were gentle not exerting any force. He gave Ivan a few kisses on his cheek, slipping his hands onto Ivan's bare back.

"Your hands are cold."

"Yours aren't." Ivan laughed some. They moved their legs around to get more comfortable.

"You're still wearing jeans." Matthew noted.

"Oh, right." Ivan tried looking down some before he realized he couldn't see at all. "Oops."

"You could go change."

"I'll be okay."

"You're going to be uncomfortable." Ivan didn't respond to that. "Ivan."

"No." Matthew gave him another kiss.

"At least take the jeans off." Ivan lurched up some.

"What? No!"

"It wouldn't be any different that when you lost your pants in that game of _never have I ever_."

"Yes it will, it would be inappropriate." Matthew kissed his cheek.

"Well, if you don't want to, it's fine."

"Alright." Ivan shifted around some more. "Are you sure it would be okay?"

"It's your pants."

"No, I meant taking them off."

"Ivan."

"Hm?"

"Yeah, I mean, I don't know how you haven't realized this, but I'm in boxers right now."

"Oh." Matthew moved his hand to Ivan's cheek, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Matthew leaned up and kissed his forehead, untangling himself from their still, sweaty positions and hovering over the other.

"Silly," Ivan chuckled a bit, giving Matthew a kiss.

"I'm tired."

"Me too." Matthew lay back down. "Let's get some sleep."

"Yeah." Ivan pulled Matthew close to him. "Goodnight."

Ivan waited listening to Matthew's breathing until he was finally asleep. "Hey, Matthew." He whispered. When Matthew didn't respond, Ivan carefully removed the comforter from his legs and took his jeans off. He tossed them to the wall and covered back up, getting comfortable next to Matthew and taking his hand into his own.

* * *

><p>The hand holding Matthew's trembled; not too much, but just enough to bring Matthew out of his sleep. The thought of Ivan having a nightmare didn't come to his mind at first, but as soon as the whimpers and louder breathing started up, he knew.<p>

_Okay, turn on the lamp, _he reminded himself. Matthew reached over, carefully with Ivan's hand still latched on his, and clicked the light of the lamp on. Ivan was facing away from him with his face buried in his pillow. He moved his legs uncomfortably in his sleep as if he was trying to away from something. Matthew was surprised how he kept holding his hand in his sleep.

Matthew sat there for a few minutes, calmly watching over him. His movements and sounds escalated into shaking and crying. Matthew became a little bit scared; he knew he wasn't able to fully understand Ivan's emotions concerning Maks and the dreams. Just watching him felt like he was able to see just a portion of it, giving him even more concern for his boyfriend. He wanted to wake him up, end the suffering early, kiss him until he stopped crying or do whatever Ivan wanted him to do, anything to help him. He understood why Ivan had told him to go into the living room if his dream had woken him up; because it was hard to watch.

He could probably slip out of Ivan's grip if he did so carefully; but he wouldn't. That's not an option to him. Ivan was not going to wake up alone, screaming for someone to come help him. He was going to wake up and instantly see him there and be reminded that he isn't in the past but a safe present.

Matthew picked up his phone and checked the time; 2:13 a.m.; he set it back down and turned his attention back to Ivan. He had turned and was laying on his back now, tears soaking his cheeks and sweat forming on his forehead. Matthew carefully wiped his cheeks with his sleeve. "Shh."

"Toris I'm sorry," Ivan stuttered between sniffling. _Toris probably misses you,_ Matthew thought to himself. _He probably thinks of you and hopes strongly that you're okay. _Matthew wondered how it would go if he ever saw Toris, or anyone else he had known while all this had happened, again. He knew Toris would probably be relieved to see he was better. He didn't know about how Yao would react, hopefully the same way. He didn't care to think about Maks, he could only hope that he didn't have to find out.

"Toris… Toris…" Ivan's teeth chattered between his sobbing. "Maks… Stop… _Stop!_" Ivan borderline screamed; his cries became louder. Matthew shivered some, trying to not cry. _Think of happy things, Matthew. Think of pretty art, violins, fresh snowfall… Think of Ivan playing in it… Happy… Ivan happy…_

Matthew started crying with Ivan. _Why does he have to be attached by these memories? What did he do to deserve this?_ Matthew gripped onto Ivan's hand harder, as did Ivan's. His hand was sweaty and cramping. _Ivan did nothing to deserve this._

_Why are people so sick and cruel to the people I love?_

Matthew quickly wiped his tears and eyes with his sleeve and turned to Ivan. Still asleep, the screaming had stopped, but Ivan was still breathing heavily.

"Ivan," Matthew whispered to him, inaudibly. Ivan began muttering, Matthew could only catch a few words he was saying. His breathing finally went back to normal, but he was still muttering. Matthew laid back down, trying to listen to what he was saying.

With the light from the bedside lamp on, Matthew fell back to sleep.

* * *

><p>Ivan jerked awake as if he had been awaken by a loud alarm. He instantly noticed the lamp on the opposite side of his bed was on and his right hand was stiff and sweaty. He took deep breaths and wiped the sweat from his face and neck. <em>It was only a dream, just a dream…<em>

Next to him, Matthew was sleeping deeply. His chest rose and fell with ease but his hand was latched onto his own. Ivan let go of his hand to stretch it out some.

_He stayed. Why did he stay? _He wondered how long Matthew was kept awake. Ivan shrugged and decided he would worry about it later. Matthew would probably insist it wouldn't be a big deal, even if he was up for an hour or more. _Typical Matthew, _he almost laughed out loud.

He leaned over and gave Matthew a few kisses on his cheek. "Thank you."_ For staying, for really everything else, too._

Ivan settled back down next to Matthew, lightly holding his hand again. Slowly, he drifted back to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅

Afterward

_It'll take me quite a bit to sum up the past few months and all that I had witnessed. Pain, trauma, and improvement are things I'm familiar with, but with every new experience, it doesn't feel like I am. I guess it's better than expecting everyone else to have to same problems and experience and feelings. That's just not how life works._

_ Growing up with Francis, I never witnessed night terrors, having to stay up late on the phone with him to get him to stop crying or freaking out, and encourage him to go back to sleep afterwards. With Ivan, it was like jumping into the deep end of the swimming pool for the first time, but not knowing just how deep it is._

_ I would be lying if I said it wasn't difficult, or that certain events didn't stress me out enough to want to sleep it off for a day or two. But that's not because Ivan is a burden to me; I care for him too much to consider him one, and for his troubles to not distress me too._

_ Through al l the rough moments, through the crying, through the occasional screaming and him questioning if I really love him, nothing helps me though even my personal troubles than seeing Ivan stand back up on his own. His steps are little, but enough. Ivan's too worthy for his baggage to weigh him down, and he's seeing that now one piece at a time. After holding his hand through most of these past months, I can't take credit for even 1% of it. It's all him._

_ A couple weeks ago, he decided he wants to go to school and become a therapist eventually. He wants to use his past to help others. He also said he wanted to move onto receiving individual therapy, but decided he didn't want to leave his group therapy just yet._

**Author's Farewell**

I thought about just changing the status to this fic to "finished" and passing it off as such. But since I intended to continue it for just a little longer, I shouldn't do that. That wouldn't be nice. That wouldn't be fair.

This story only had a few followers and I was happy for just that. I still love this pairing, and I was happy to contribute something towards it. My work is incredibly flawed but I hope my portrayals of the characters and mental illnesses were accurate enough.

I no longer will be writing fanfiction. I really did try holding onto the idea of writing again, but there's just so much happening and I'm bracing myself for more to come. I will be working soon, starting college in the fall, and I want to keep pushing myself to work with my art and my own original characters.

I had lost my motivation to push for artistic improvement when my depression worsened years ago, but finding interest in writing these works helped me through that. I owe the Hetalia fandom and many of its wonderful writers a huge thank you. I owe everyone who followed this work till the end a huge thank you and apology. I always hated when I work I enjoyed came to stop, I'm sorry to do the same to you.


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